weather 5/15/05

Didn't the weather forcasts predict rain and in some cases thunderstorms for most of last week? What gives? It rained a little bit on Thursday and a drop hit me on my hand on Yesterday. This is the forcast for 5/15-20.

Why doesn't Hello allow for uploading *.png file? Shouldn't Flickr be able to handle *.png files better? I was forced to use the *.jpg(upper right), instead of the original *.png screen capture from my mac which appeared all fudged up (screen cap to the right). 

P.O.D.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend and she was playing around, so I told her to stop and then explained that I was having a moment of P.O.D. Let me explain… P.O.D. stands for Post Orgasmic Disgust. Have you ever been with someone or not and once you get yours, you desire nothing further of them? Or more specifically, you don't want to be cuddled or touched. Your emotional attachment ends when you finish and you don't care whether or not your partner does. Don't touch me, get away from me!

Metropolitan Museum of Art

Doesn't this one look like the "Millenium Puzzle" from Yugioh?

All photos in this post originally uploaded by reign4aday.

Daivon, Darrell, Lil' and M!ck3y went to The Metropolitan Museum of Art on 82^nd Street and 5^th Avenue. I loved it although I did not get to see everything I wanted to. My brother wanted to leave. I also wish I was more organized. I didn't expect to be as interested as I was. I am going back Memorial Day weekend.

Didn't I Tell You?

I did tell you I wasn't going to let anything hold me back. Still I have a lot on my plate. I have a lot of stuff I need to get done. I need to find a permanent job and ultimately get my own place. I'm tired of bouncing around. It's fine and good that I am loved and all, but I can't deal with people crap.

Haven't been blogging much lately as you can tell, I just got caught up in life.

I would first like to say congrats to Firefox. 50 Million downloads is big. It means 50 Million who didn't open IE, or even better 50 Million who used it to download Firefox. Today I requested permission to download it and was denied.

Anyway, I am enjoying being out and working everyday. I am working with several wonderful people. When I speak of them I will use the 1^st initial of their names when referring to them.

M is the person I report directly to, she is sooo busy and she always has a smile on her face. L is pregnant, her voice is so conforting to me and I love her laugh, I'm going to miss it when she goes on leave next week. They are VPs. S is the Senior VP and while I don't see her much she seems so cool. S² is the other "graphics person," as she introduced herself to me. P is the "go to" guy. He does everything. D has the softest voice I have ever heard on an adult female and T is quiet accept for when he's being spoken to or he has something to say to D.

Yesterday a PowerPoint presentation tried to kick my ass. Today I got my first "myName@companyName.com" email address.

That's all for this morning kiddies, got to go to bed.

Uneasy

I'm a little uneasy about the chain of recent events. I still don't know what I'm going to do. I guess I'm falling back on less comfortable times. Usually I do this to myself to motivate and remind myself to move on. So I guess the hustle is on and the new struggle has begun.

Tiger 05/07

Just some more on my impressions on Tiger.

Sometimes I notice things but don't know how to put it into words until I hear someone else say it and then I get that "Aha!" thing. One of those thing is how I feel about Mac OS 10.4 (Tiger).

I've noticed an overall speed boost. When I first cracked it open I remarked that it felt like I was using a brand new machine, but then I thought that can't be right, but is just like that — for me at least.

I'm glad that transparency has returned to the UI. When I got my first Powerbook, there was a transparent GIF of the Tazmanian Devil that I was fond of. I got it off of the Netscape start page of the time. I used it as my buddy icon and my account pic When I upgraded to Panther from Jaguar it was fine, but later when I did a clean install I found that transparency had disappeared, well at least for my own graphics.

This is Automator. He will become a very good friend of mine shortly. I just haven't dug into the Tiger and it's features yet. This is one of the ways Macs make things easier or so I've heard. I will add more on this later as I get into it.

iChat AV is one of my favorite upgrades. First, they stepped up the "groups" feature. I can't stand AIM for Mac. I tried using it a bit because iChat was duplicating my buddies in each group, but it made just editing the buddy list a task. The only current feature in 4.7 that might interest me is "Multi-point File Sharing." iChat feels so much better. iChat has also added features I would normally look to AIM for. You can, now, edit your AIM profile, view the profiles of others. I haven't used the camera and audio features yet.

The video quality on QuickTime 7 is insane. It's looks as good as any DVD I've played on my Powerbook, although I haven't noticed any banding in the colors that you see on some DVD's. It really does look the same when scaled up. You can even capture stills which I recall trying to do with the screen capture shortcuts in previous versions unsuccessfully. The above enhancements were available on the new HD content. I don't imagine that the regular QuickTime format can be scaled losslessly.

This is a clip from the QuickTime HD Gallery of the movie Serenity. I chose to capture this because I thought it was cool, not that she was doing a full split, but that she was doing the split on the ceiling. 

Not much really can I say. Safari RSS. I did not use the older versions of Safari accept to view "Apple" sites, DaringFireball and MacDevCenter. I can say that since I enjoy reading dated content, blogs, news articles, etc, the RSS feature comes in handy. You can sort by date, title, source and new. It even seems that Spotlight has been integrated into into the RSS search, I was getting results as I was typed words into the search field.

As you can see I am still happy with Tiger. Things are going to be a little slow given my new situation but I will try to update as often as possible.

Homeless

I just found out that I'm homeless. My mother told me I had to go.

Updated Saturday, May 07, 2005

I have decided that I'm not going to let this shake me. She is afraid of what her landlord might do.

This all started in January, when my mother complained about the lack of heat. I've been around quite a bit and stay over a lot. My brothers and mother like me around and I don' want to be at my current residence because there is a lot of foul stuff going on there. My mother explained to the landlord, Christine Young, that the situation has been the same for years with little or no change. Young replied "It's time to move on then!" I warned my mother of her intentions. Young had been renovating the downstairs apartment for weeks. She was moving in. Now if she does what she did down there for up here, she can fetch a pretty penny for this apartment. With the way rent is nowadays she could get at least $1500, my mother pays 11.

My mother got a 6 month extension on the eviction. Then she took her to court and won a $1200 settlement for the water damage to her then 5 week old mattress. Yesterday, Young's husband warned my mother "I don't like what she's doing, but she's out to get you." The lady has been doing wierd things all week. They recieved the decision by mail on Friday or Saturday.

I don't know what to do. I will figure something out though.

NMP

M!ck3y, originally uploaded by reign4aday.

This is M!ck3y. She finally let me get a picture of her. It's not bad but I've taken better of her.

She's always asked why I didn't mention her in my "Inspiration" post. Fact is, I did not have a picture of her and I was doing the things that inspired me prior to her coming into my life. Yes, she does inspire me. He has a desperate sort of happiness. Like is she doesn't smile everything ends.

Me, originally uploaded by reign4aday.

This is me, obviously. I don't know what I was thinking.

Work 2morrowday

idk what it is about Amerie, but there is definitely something about her.

I start my assignment at US Trust later this morning. I think I should get to sleep. Anyway, the challenge was a bust this past week. I realize my world is a little too small. I am starting over today. I should meet a number of new people. what do you think?

Bitten By A Tiger

Well everyone, I took the Tiger plunge. I had a pretty interesting day though.

I went out about noon, to answer a final notice for jury selection. This should have been the 1^st form, because I never got the others.

Then I trooped over to the Child Support office in the old DMV. I owe arrears, which I will not be paying anytime soon because I don't have funds flowing like that. I am paying child support for a kid that I see nearly everyday. In fact, he's with me more than he is "home." Anyhow, it was ordered to reimburse Welfare. Not necessary at all.

It took me like four (4) years to find this office and I probably lucked up, because the responsible entity changed recently to the Department of Social Services (Welfare). A friend of mine told me where to go. I was able to track down a number once upon a time, but either the phone would ring out, I was put on hold until my phone died or I'd get through and get hung up on.

Up until then the day was going pretty quickly. I didn't mention that M!ck3y was with me for the ride and in case it took all day she'd be there to keep me awake. From the Child Support office we took a long bus ride to Kings Plaza Shopping center, from here on "KP," which was completely pointless. Not only could I not find what I went there for, I forgot my money and couldn't even eat. After getting laughed at, we got back on the bus.

Made a quick stop at the junction and got four (4) cheese burgers from White Castle. When I got home I continued to back up my stuff.

No one wanted to go to the Apple Store with me. Finally Daivon decided he would go with me. We had to wait on line. I must say, the girls buying "computer stuff," were so much prettier this year. I mean the ones waiting on the Tiger line, I have seen some real gems come in and out of the store.

They were giving out "Scratch and Win" cards and no sooner than I walked in a guy with an OS X tatoo on the back of his neck won a new G4 Powerbook. He was like two (2) heads in front of me.

I decided to go with a clean install. So I'm organizing the files from my previous backups.

This my favorite widget so far. This screen capture was taken about 7pm today. It's my favorite because it's the one I'm getting the most use out of, aside from the iTunes Widget. Ha! I'm listening to Staind right now.

Anyway, I have some cleaning to do and I'm watching "Marvel's Man–Thing" on Sci Fi. 

Tiger Unleashed?

I'm Thinking about a Tiger this weekend.

Reconnecting

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. Happy Birthday, Mother! 

I just had a thought: What is it when a company punishes it's employees for being in line with it's mission statement and goals?

I just spoke to my former Assistant Manager, Danny. He seemed well. It's obvious, however, that I am not the only one who has gone through stuff over the last year. I mean, I knew this, but to hear his tale.

Even after the horrors we experienced at Kinko's, there seems to be no rest. He was terminated unjustly one (1) day before he was to go on vacation and took a job with the competition for much less than he was making. Then he was suspended and transferred by a manager that blamed him for getting demoted. He remains optimistic though. He wants to go back to school and get his Real Estates license.

We decided we were going to try to reconnect with our team–members. Well I really haven't decided whether or not I really want to though.

We learned, for sure, at Kinko's, how to slit each other's throats and the ones that would not participate in this slaughter were punished. It seemed that some of the managers were jealous that some of us had the loyalty of our team–members, unless they had our allegiance. Some of us are loyal to money, others to people… Where do your loyalties lie?

Enlightenment: Day 1 & 2

Eddie Traversa made a comment to my post, Seeking Enlightenment.

It's been two (2) days since the challenge began. So far I've learned that I am pretty objective. I generally keep to myself. I tend to notice things, because I don't take an active role in peoples lives, I am like a watcher.

My world is small anyway. I have few people in my sphere to observe and so many of them try to appease me on different levels, sometimes it't hard to know what their true agendas are.

I did find, however, over the last few days, that I am not the only screwed up individual. Some are worse than others. For me the ones that interest me the most are the ones who go thru great lengths to hide their flaws. I have always been the person to "Just do it." When there is something wrong, I will not bother with it until I can fix it. I assess my situation and my means to achieve my end. For instance, my job situation… I did not just let it beat me, I made a little money freelancing which I am putting into my cause. Since I have bigger goals, I can not stop. I will work a regular job and continue freelancing until I get to where I want to be. So few people do that, well at least of the people I know. I get upset when someone I love gives up on what they want, what they need and themselves. I am learning to accept this and move on.

"I" am enlightenment 4/20

How About Now?

This was originally posted by Eddie Traversa on his blog.

Whatever your life situation is, how would you feel if you completely accepted it as it is, right at this very moment?

Déon/Reign

This is some more stuff from 2000. One person commented that it was self–centered.

Déon–

means divine. It also has roots in Dionysus, the greek god of wine.

I am Déon. I am 24 years old and a native of Brooklyn, New York.

I am an intelligent and well grounded individual, looking to spread my wings and soar as high as possible. I believe in life's endless possibilities and that the only limits that we have are the ones we impose on ourselves.

I am normally shy, for a leo anyway. These days I'm experiencing a surge of aggression. I've been described as "dramatic" and "profound." I am also thought of as very mature for my age, but I'm really a little boy thirsting for sensations. Swift, is my tongue. That is to say that I know all the right words. It has been said I "got game."

Reaching

Son cœur est un luth suspendu;
Sitôt qu'on le touché il résonne.

(His heart is a hanging lute;
As soon as touched, it reverberates.)

De Béranger

I have reached a level of thought where I choose to concentrate on what's right about people instead of what's wrong. It is important to develop strengths, so that the weaknesses have less of an impact.

I've recently arrived at a stage in my life where I fell the need to improve every aspect of my life.

• Trying to broaden my mind by reading more.
• I realize that I have choices and that any consequences I experience are results of those choices.
• I accept the fact that I am responsible for my life and the course it runs.

I am learning a lot about myself and the world around me, new lessons from my original mistakes.

I'm not perfect, but I'm willing to try and find out if perfection is an attainable height.

The Other Me

I received the name "King" from my gym teacher in High School. My friends translated it to Reign. I found out later that I had a lot of admirers.

Reign–

royal authority; the dominion, sway, or influence of one resembling a monarch.

The wind blows… The sky darkens… I speak, "BOOM." Witness the lightning in my stare. The darkness, it envelopes me. I feel it's cold embrace.

Loneliness is my only companion. It feeds on the love I have to share.

I will feast on your body as a caterpillar does a leaf. Then I will spin a crystallis and fly out something you want.

Her

I wrote this in about 2000. I've been finding that a lot of people have been asking about my old homepage. I decided to reformat some of the content for "Dramatizations." Aside from the markup, it will appear as it originally did.

What I'm looking for is…

…is a woman who knows what she wants. Someone to be my friend always. Someone who hasn't any inhibitions, but who has enough sense to know her limits. A lady. One who can motivate me to reach for the stars, like the ones in her eyes.

Mouthful of Poison: Ripe?

Things growing are not ripe until their season,
So I, being young, till now ripe not to reason.
And, touching now the point of human skill,
Reason becomes the marshal to my will,
And leads me to your eyes, where I o'erlook
Love's stories written in love's richest book.

A Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare

I am always asked what it is I like. Let me start by saying, I love everything that makes a woman, a woman.

• Her hair, whether it be short or long, curly or strait…
• Her lips, full and rich… the way they taste, the way she sucks on mine or my earlobe.
• The scent of her neck. The emotion evoked when I get close and breath on it or kiss it.
• A supple pair of breasts cupped gently in my hands. Rubbing her nipples 'til they're rigid. Making circles around them with my tongue or sucking them.
• The way her body curves, her waist into her hips into her thighs. I like 'em thick in the middle. There are few pleasures as great as a pair of thighs wrapped… ummmmm, maybe too much information (but you get the picture, don't you?).
• The way she makes her booty go "dunta, dunta."
• Feet. Small, smooth, clean. Well, uh, I like to play with 'em.

To me, the most important outward features are her eyes and her smile.

• A nice smile warms a cold heart. Confident and sincere. Soft and seductive.
• Back to the stars in her eyes… I don't feel there is any greater beauty on our plane of existence.

I need someone I can mesh with mentally. She has to have goals and values. Someone whose going to be an extra incentive to waking up in the morning and a reward for coming home at night.

All things coming together are woman. From her heavenly gaze to the sway of her hips.

Fate

I don't remember where this came from, maybe it was me, maybe someone else. It was on my personal page.

Be prepared for the unexpected.
Concentrate, mind and body as one.
Achieve tranquility through movement.
Integrate spirit and flesh.
Channel the powers; focus the mind.

Cleanse the soul.
Release that which is negative.
Separate darkness and light.

Give birth to myself — once through knowledge.
Define my existence — once through emotion.
Create my divination — one with the heavens.

From strength learn gentleness.
Through gentleness, strength will prevail.

What is it I see just beyond my reach?
I see my fate!

When It Hurt So Bad (2000)

This was a friend's way of expressing her affection towards me. It was a long time ago and I knew her only briefly. I remember the long, late night talks, her almond–shaped eyes, the fullness of her lips, the way her hips swayed when she tried to get my attention and all her wonderful curves.

I’ve loved real hard ones,
But the love wasn’t returned.
Found out the man I’d die for,
He wasn’t concerned.
I tried, and I tried, and I tried
To keep him in my life.
I cried and I cried
But I couldn’t make it right.

But I loved a young man,
And if u ever been in love
Than you’ll understand.
What you want might make you cry,
And what you need might pass you by

What you need ironically might turn out
What you want to be, if you just let it

See I thought this feeling
It was all that I had
But how could this be love
And make me feel so bad
Gave all my power,
I existed for you
But who ever knew
The voodoo you do

When it hurt so bad, why does it feel so good?(sic)

From Jen (02/2005)

This was sent to me by a long time friend, Jen. She can write, I think she should be published.

Good night, sweet prince. I shall weep at your departure. I have searched for you all of my life. I have checked under subway benches and bus stops. I have played peekaboo against abandoned building waiting to catch a glimpse of your shadow. I’ve jumped inside barren trenches and gone underground on the slight chance that you were sharing living quarters wih the ground hog.

I have climbed rooftops and scaled high-rises in search of you. I have simmered in seedy clubs and bathed in bad associations because I truly believed you were there - I just thought you were scared and hiding.

I have jeopardized myself chasing trains that I thought you had boarded. I’ve grabbed the tail end of planes, fearing you may have landed and taken off before you found me. I have traveled the globe in hopes I would recognize your face and then I have gone back again fearful that I missed you the first time around.

I have peered through eyeglasses,looking glasses and magnifying glasses searching for your foot prints.I have even enlisted the help of physics to convince me you exist.

I have gazed into the eyes of other womens husbands and boyfriends wondering “Could it be you?” And I wondered if you had missed me all together be accident. I have traced steps on cemetery grounds on morbid days believing you have already come and gone, and would never come again and thought perhaps THAT was the real reason for your no-show status

I’ve stolen peeks through picture windows at dinner time staring at the back of his head, and his head, begging you to JUST TURN AROUND.

I have pulled double duty at bridal showers and weddings. Standing up for her and in for the other. I have watched ever one I know celebrate the arrival of her prince, every one but me.

Good night, sweet prince I shall weep at youe departure. If you came, I didnt see you. If you spoke, I didnt hear you. And if you loved me once upon a time,I guess I didnt love you back the same.

Good night sweet prince.
Good night.
It’s time for me to move on with my life and experience an new day.
A real day.
My first day with out craving you (sic)

OK!

M!ck3y said, "I've been coming to see you so often because I'm going to be gone for a whole week and you're gonna forget me." Isn't that cute?

On a more serious note, I went and signed the papers today. It seems like I'll be working soon. I can't seem to remember the name of the company. I know it's US Trust, but there is a better known name.

Updated Saturday, April 23, 2005

The more familiar name of the company is Charles Schwab & Co.

A Job

I should have the one month assignment. I was approved pending a background check and some papers I have to sign tomorrow. The background check should be OK unless it includes a credit check, let's hope it doesn't hold too much weight.

I've been out of work for nine months and around February I found I couldn't keep up with my bills. With a job I should be able to pick up, don't you think?

Seeking Enlightenment

Nice Guys and Violent Lunches

Can we really read people? I am usually a good judge of character, I mean I've been striking out lately. People have a different view of things than I do. My views are more idealistic. So I don't associate myself with many people. I just find it's easier that way, sometimes.

Anyway, I've been reading blogs for about four (4) years. The first blog I was introduced to was Jeff Rouyer's, formerly "Nirvana," if I remember correctly. Then, I happen upon Eddie Traversa's.

Eddie has a new blog "I" am enlightenment. He made a challenge to a friend of his:

Look at people for a week and try not to form concepts about them. Just let them be, don't label them, don't judge them, just see them

I will be starting the challenge on Sunday. I need to find my way back to the "Road to Enlightenment." I will try to post what I learn next week.

Just a lil' POed

M!ck3y got beat up again , she bit me (my nephew leaves bigger bite marks) then she pissed me off — just a lil' tho. 

Browsers

I can say without a doubt that my blog does not work in the Mac IE 5.2.3 and Netscape Communicator 4.77 for Mac, but it works, not quite as intended in Mac IE 5.0. It also works in Opera 7.54. It looks good in Camino 8.3. It obviously works in Firefox. I did not test it in the pay browsers.

Updated Saturday, April 23, 2005

Ooops, I forgot about Safari. Thanks Anonymous.

Since Monday, April 18th

Today, I ran into someone I've known for about sixteen (16) years. Seeing as though I'm only twenty-eight (28), that is more than half my life. Her people didn't believe that I am only a year or two younger than her. I spent about an hour getting flirted with by like three (3) females, including the someone. She said she didn't know I was so pretty.

After that I saw the baddest female, well for today anyway. She was wearing a gray striped shirt and a tight gray skirt. Everyone was checking her out. One guy even got slapped by his girl because he kept turning around to see, and his girl wasn't half bad herself, because after the former was out of site my attention was held by his girl.

Did I mention I love spring?

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

My Girls

My homegirls have been holding me down. They've been making me feel so special. Thank you guys. One of you in particular, I long to hear you call me "Baby."

Jobs

A friend of mine called in a "business favor," whatever that means for a colleague to grant me an interview. Doesn't mean I got the job, but the whole favor thing puts mad pressure on me. I was offered to sit in for someone who's on disability through Ajilon Office. It should go on for at least a month. I wonder if I take this one will the other opportunity be available when the assignment is over.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Mergers and Acquisitions

AT&T has long been devoured by Cingular, now just Cingular with some references to the former AT&T. Nextel is now the property of Sprint, the combined company will be Sprint Nextel.

But did you guys hear, Adobe is acquiring Macromedia? I heard about a year ago that Macromedia was going to someone, the rumor was Microsoft was buying it. This made me was not good for me, because I'm just not into Microsoft. I like Office 2004 and that's about it. I mean they have other technologies I'll be looking into and more than likely using.

Anyway, back to the Adobe Macromedia thing. This is great because the two (2) graphics powerhouses have joined. If I had to do any artwork, I'd go to one or the other. Considering the quality of applications they've been putting out I can't wait to see what comes next.

Imagine a new app with all of the strengths and none of the weaknesses. Maybe as soon as Adobe CS 3 or will it be called Creative Studio. Imagine Photoshop and Illustrator being bundled with Flash Professional and all of the all of the graphics imported from AI show up as intended. Can you imagine the level of detail that could be achieved in Flash sites not that there is anything wrong with them now. I am barely a Flash beginner and I see stuff all the time that makes me say "WOW!"

M!ck3y

This girl is mad strong. She came to visit me and my brothers on Monday and we had a wrestling match. I'm mad sore.

Kojak 04/17

LOL! last night on Kojak, Ving Rhames walked into the interrogation room with a baseball bat and offered it to Kevin (I think his name was). Kojak said as he held the bat out to him "I am going to ask you some questions, if you choose not to answer a question you can hit me with the bat.". Ving was like take it. Kevin took it and Kojak said "Oh yeah, I have to tell you... If you don't knock me out, I can beat your ass... Please don't answer this one." 

My Favorite Girl

This is Nicky, my favorite girl. Nicky is 4'11", 110lb and all fire. She's the closest female to me. We've been very close ever since we met last summer.

When she came around yesterday, all the bum ass fuckers around here were trying to holla. Then when they saw she was coming to visit me, you could see the hate oozing of their faces.

Look at the pretty smile. I missed her sooo much and she came to see me with mad smiles.

She was like damn, WTF is up with all the pictures. I don't get to see her as often as I'd like so I couldn't resist.

Here is a bit of teasing.

Some more teasing. Check the booty. There are so many curves you might get motion sickness.

Sticking her tongue out, isn't she cute. 

All you ugly ass, weave wearing, bootleg ass, no good broads... envy her. Y'all don't have anything on her. This is just one more you will never be able to touch.

Why is it the people I love seem not to like to see me smile?

4/11-4/15

I closed out a really good week. It was great considering how things have been going for me lately.

First off, I've made more money in the last 30 days than I've made the first 2½ months of the year. I haven't made much. In fact, if I make every month what I've made this year so far, I will probably make it to the poverty line. This is, however, a step in the right direction.

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned it, but I spent most of the winter indoors and put on quite a bit of weight. When I go somewhere I get excited. This is pathetic, I know. I did not have a coat this winter. Now I really don't have an excuse not to go out.

Anyway, on Tuesday, April 12, I had a one day assignment. This was the highlight of my week.

I started talking to Cyn again, like last week. She was supposed to be visiting me this week. In fact, up until Thursday, she was coming. She called me Thursday evening and told me she was eating, asked if I was hungry and said she'd take "car service" to my crib. Then she calls back about ½ hour later, saying her mother passed out and that she had to go to the hospital. That was our last contact. I called a few times and left a few voicemails to see how she was doing, she never answered. This is typical of her. She makes plans to come over and backs out last minute. Not sure why, we've already done the deed. It might not happen again, I'm just not feeling her like that anymore.

My only disappointment came when I went to Sears last night to see that wonderful smile that's been warming my heart for the last few weeks. She wasn't there, she had gone home before I got there.

In all, I had a good week. I had my lows, but a lot more highs. Anyhow, I ended it with a smile. I guess, today, I'm getting back to basics. I will probably spend the day alone, in reflection.

Smackdown! vs Raw

I am the "Day of Reckoning" champion and "Best in History" champion.

I am undefeated in the history of the "Best in History" championship belt, which also means I am the longest running champion. I had one other title last weekend and I don't know how I lost it, which indicates I wasn't there to lose it.

The former champion has resorted to all sorts of tactics after his numerous consecutive defeats to get the belts back, including playing a computer opponent for my titles.

After I slaughter him for the um-teenth time today, I will retire all my belts and no longer recognize any false champions.

Some More Inspiration

These are some more of the people that inspire me.

I am feeling stronger and less vulnerable these days. I decided to pick up the pieces by letting other chips fall. In other words, I'm calculating my risks and consequences.

This is my little boy again. He was about 9 months when this picture was taken.

This is his sister, Dooney. She's like my daughter, seeing as though I've been there her entire life.  I get the Father's Day cards and the donor doesn't.

This is Key's little sister. She's a diva in the making. Her birthday was Wednesday, April 13^th. Happy birthday! 

Sexual Harassment?

Sexual Harassment

n. unwanted sexual approaches and/or repeated unpleasant, degrading and/or sexist remarks

Sexual Harassment is usually discussed in terms of negative sexual superior/subordinate interaction as it might relate to negative employment consequence. Is it always? As I understand it, there doesn't have to be an implied or otherwise threat or reward to be considered sexual harassment.

I was involved in some dealing with sexual harassment the other day. I signed a confidentiality agreement so I will not go any further into the specifics. It just made me think about my time at Kinko's.

During my time at Kinko's, I was a supervisor for the majority of the time and I had several females working under me. The relationships I formed with my team members were far from professional. I mean we took care of business and all, but we were friends, in some cases more.

There was one lady in particular, I will withhold everyone's names, who no matter where I would bend down would sneak up behind me and grab my ass, sometimes she'd go further and grab my tool. Don't get me wrong, I loved playing with her. She understood if she touched me I'd touch her the same way. So yes we spent a lot of time hugging, kissing and groping each other.

There was another whose nipples always seemed to find their way into my mouth. There was even a lesbian who used to love for me to simulate going down on her. She used to tell me if she and her girl did not last she would give me a run. Others would just be too forward and like corner me. Or some others would try to hook me up with friends.

It wasn't uncommon for me to walk up to one of my female team members and be like "Your ass is like whoa in those jeans." Or for them to try to get a reaction out of me by telling me about an episode they had with their latest boy toy.

I was popular to the point where I could walk over to the next branch and do the same.

There was one male team member who was my supervisor at the time who once tried to corner me and have me undress in front of him. Or since I wasn't shy, I'd change in front of the ladies in the break room to save time, mostly, but I liked the comments and attention too. He'd watch me sucking his fingers and licking his lips. I can say he made me feel uncomfortable at times, but he got the point when I talked to him about it. I don't think he was seriously attracted to me and I got over it.

Was this sexual harassment on my part or on the part of my team members? I mean I wasn't like that with everyone, some people were just unapproachable, others were too approachable.

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were — I have not seen
As others saw — I could not bring
My passions from a common spring —
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow — I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone —
And all I lov'd — I lov'd alone —
Then — in my childhood — in the dawn
Of a most stormy life — was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still —
From the torrent, or the fountain —
From the red cliff of the mountain —
From the sun that — round me roll'd
In it's autumn tint of gold —
From the lightning in the sky
As it pass'd me flying by —
From the thunder, and the storm —
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

Venus and Adonis

Had I no eyes but ears, my ears would love
That inward beauty and invisible;
Or were I deaf, thy outward parts would move
Each part in me that were but sensible.
Though neither eyes nor ears to hear nor see,
Yet should I be in love by touching thee.

Say that the sense of feeling were bereft me,
And that I could not see, nor hear, nor touch,
And nothing but the very smell were left me,
Yet would my love to the be still as much;
For from the stillitory of thy face excelling
Comes breath perfumed, that breedeth love by smelling.

04/11 Recent Adjectives for Deon

Pretty, rugged, and sexiful

Tazhiana is learning HTML

Now Tazhy is learning HTML. Why aren't my brothers and son as ready and willing to learn?

Tao Te Ching

A tree as great as a man's embrace springs from a small shoot; A terrace nine stories high begins with a pile of earth; A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.

Mastering others requires force; Mastering the self needs strength.

Mouthful of Poison: Can't Judge Me

I'm about to go to bed now. Never made my walk, maybe later. I'm listening to "Last Day On Earth" by Marilyn Manson.

The quote that I placed on the "Mouthful of Poison" blog just about sums up how I feel about the past few weeks.

Mouthful of Poison: Can't Judge Me

Silent Predators

Did not go for my walk, the kids are caught up in Smackdown! vs. Raw and I got caught up in the movie mentioned in the title. I love Sci Fi.

The movie, Silent Predators, is about hybrid rattlesnakes. That seem to only attack humans. One of the snakes made the choice between attacking a dog which was closer and barking at it and a little girl.

Why are there so many science fiction movies about snakes?

Mouthful of Poison: On Dying

Mouthful of Poison: On Dying

R.I.P., everyone that met an early end. Or maybe you guys were reincarnated and are here with us. I don't know the rules.

When I die, party for me… for all the parties I never went to.

Mouthful of Poison

Mouthful of Poison

A Beautiful Day 4/09

It's another beautiful day. I think I'll go for another walk. I love taking long walks, even if I don't have a destination. I will most likely start walking further up Church Avenue today. I've been living on East 35^th since August and I've never explored the neighborhood.

Today is also Ti'Lesa's birthday. I will probably not see her this weekend, she's probably busy anyway. I call her last night at a quarter to midnight. "I know I'm a few minutes early, but I just wanted to say 'happy birthday!' before I go to sleep." I still didn't get to sleep until about 4:30 a.m.

I miss working. I miss going to the movies every weekend. I miss not having any bills to worry about, because they'd all be paid. Now I'm in debt up to my eyeballs.

I have this one-day mock trial assignment on Tuesday that I got through Ajilon Office. It's not what I want but it's something, it'll put a few dollars in my pocket. It also gets me out of the house one more day, right? It is so boring though, the last time I fell to sleep. Kyonna will be with me, so maybe we'll pair up and things will be a little bit more interesting.

04/01–04/08

It's been a really fucked up few days. The events of the past week have led me to question my position in the lives of and the roles of the people around me.

Friends became enemies, enemies friends.

One friend in particular has proven her love beyond a shadow of a doubt and earned my love, trust, admiration and respect.

This was gonna be a long post, but WTF, it's a nice day. G2G for a walk.

Friends Blog

I've got my new blog up, well our new blog. Just me and some friends "Wildin' Out."

Mouthful of Poison

Some of my friends and I are hosting it together.

loving you is…

Looking in your eyes and know you're still whispering even tho you're not saying a word. That sense that if I could just touch you once everything will be ok for the both of us.

Edgar Allan Poe

Poetry is the rhythmical creation of beauty in words

Leo, the Lion

Leo is "Fire" to the core! Fire brings a desire to create, to innovate, to lead. The sign represents mega–confidence that seems to radiate out. Of course there must be an audience there to applaud! The "Fixed" motivation adds self–reliant action that works well in leadership positions. Fixed means Leo is a formative energy, with an ability to consolidate and stabilize.

And of course Fire can rage out of control, so the extremes can bring a need to balance the self–confidence with humility! To become the humble but lovable lion. The playfulness associated with Leo, can regress to childish "demand" for attention rather than just acknowledging recognition and applause. This is when the Yang needs the Yin — allowing peaceful receptivity to surface. To allow that big, beautiful heart and "sunshiny" spirit to balance giving and receiving.

De Béranger

Son cœur est un luth suspendu;
Sitôt qu’on le touché il résonne.

The heart is a hanging lute;
Once touched it resounds.

Life's Journey

I began my journey by myself, all alone.
I rose; like the sun, too, will I shine.
For the sins of my father, accountable to be held, am I to atone?
Inherit the earth, will I? Shall the world be mine?

At my side many stood and fell.
Wild as fire, burning hot and bright.
All against me; damned to hell.
My enemies, fierce with fight, shall lose the battle and feel my might.

Friends, I never chose.
Looking to better days; trying to earn my wealth.
True friends? No. Predicted my fall but like the phoenix I rose,
Making my way with little or no help.

My kin… at my side he stood.
Succeed he will, I know he could.
Forsake me for a woman, I never thought he would.
Everything I touch turns to bad; never good.

My one true love… I suppose.
Her heart is true and fruitful.
What's in a name? Like that of a rose.
She fall to the will of others and I take the bull.

Why am I hated so?
Can I win, when all oppose?
Many souls to be bought and sold…
Is my story truthfully told?

My siblings truly, I do love.
Diamonds in the ruff.
I hope heaven's light shines from above.
I wish them luck and all that good stuff.

Inherit the earth, will I? Shall the world be mine?
Have I sinned? If so, I will atone.
I rise; like the sun, too will I shine.
My journey I began and so will I end alone.

The Journey Continues

My journey continued I, but still alone.
Like the sun, did I, rose and fell.
The fire in my eyes dimmed and shone.
Life peaked at heaven and showed it's base at hell.

My friends above me soared.
Reach out never, the stars I hold.
Tragedy struck, so began the war.
I was left alone, out in the cold.

Cousin surrender your grief and woes…
We stood equal, forever as one…
Why was it an opposite path you chose?
It all sprung from jealousy over my son.

Love? Not! I thought she'd be…
Broke my heart, destroyed my confidence…
To warm another's bed she left me.
Wrecked my life and my efforts wrongfully spent.

Most precious jewel gained, did I?
My little boy gives new meaning to my life.
Mistake… never, when I fell, he helped me rise…
Now look up to my son and see me in his eyes.

AudioBlogger Test

Just wanted to test my AudioBlogger. It'll give me five minutes when I can't get to my Powerbook or some sort of connection.

I don't like the image. I've got to fix that.

GMail Was Not Playing

GMail is inching up. I did not think more space would come this quick. The amount I received is by no means significant, especially as compared to 2GB. It somewhere in the realm of 40MB.

Love Me, Hate Me

Jealous people do stupid things. Some girls in M!ck3y's school are spreading rumors about the relationship I have with her. Saying it's more than a friendship. Wanting to fight her.

See I didn't mind them speaking to me as long as it was kept on the level, but it quickly turned weird and I exited, but I can't hold it against her, she thinks I'm "pure cool", that's what she says on her blog anyway and she wanted her friends to know me too.

They are being spiteful towards her because on March 29^th (I made a couple of posts that day about not sleeping) I wouldn't come pick them up from school and Vanessa wanted to beef about it and told Yeno that I said something to her. I don't even know what I supposedly said. What I did say was "I never went to sleep last night, I am not feeling well and I don't have time for this." I let her continue cussin' and all. Then she was like "I'm talking to myself now,&#quot; to which I simply replied "You about to," and she said she'd save me the trouble and we hung up. Then I'm getting messages about how some dude want to fight me and how he gonna "Fuck" me up.

Anyway I let M!ck3y hear the message telling her I don't want them calling me anymore, don't want to hear of them, nothing…

She confronted them now they got issue with her and are escalating it two (2) weeks later.

Now before I finish, let me just say…, I did not come here to show out, I did not come here to impress you. Because to tell you the truth, when I leave here, I'm gone and I don't care what you think about me. But just remember, when it hits the fan, brother, whether it's next year, ten years, twenty years from now, you will never be able to say that these brothers lied to you, jack…

Was I wrong for answering questions and giving advice about boys, Vanessa's boyfriend in particular? I mean even after getting the "age ain't nothing but a number speech," I maintained I wasn't R. Kelly. I just don't want M!ck3y to get in trouble over nothing. I will writing more about M!ck3y later.

If anyone has any advice for me post a comment. Aside from I shouldn't have talked to them in the first place, any advice or constructive criticism will be greatly appreciated.

Darrell & Tyasia

My Brother and his girlfriend. Don't they make a cute couple? 

How Soon Is Now?

This just what I'm feeling right now. My world is a lonely one, since I haven't been working. I mean I get a lot of attention but in the end I can't do too much now because I'm sorta broke.

I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar, I am the son and heir of nothing in particular.

You shut your mouth! How can you say I go about things the wrong way? I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does.

There's a club if you'd like to go, you could meet somebody who really loves you. So you go, and you stand on your own and you leave on your own and you go home, and you cry and you want to die.

When you say it's gonna happen "now", when exactly do you mean? See I've already waited too long and all my hope is gone.

Big Poppa Month

Is this like the month where women are celebrating large men. I mean ladies been all up in my face for a couple of weeks now. Ha haaaaaaa! I'm at the laundromat and this girl just cornered me to cheese all up in my face.

My New Favorite Tools

Recently, I've been adding new tools to my box¹. My favorites are:

• Hello

This is one of those Google tools I mentioned in my GMail post. I wish there was Mac support. I also wish there was a way to get a listing of the images that were uploaded from BloggerBot. I hate using the PC for anything, save for web application testing, i.e. ASP, ColdFusion and VB Script.

• Markdown
• SmartyPants

1. My 17" G4 Powerbook.

At about midnight…

…I was invited to lick someone's cervix, lol. I might take her up on her offer.

Making Contact on Blogger

Since I began blogging in December, I've received several comments. Some by my real world friends others by anonymous virtual world watchers. My most recent comment, of which i am quite proud, was made by Jason to my Breakfast 040405 post.

I'm not the best when it comes to keeping in touch, but when I make contact with someone interesting I try to. Keeping in touch is an interdependent practice. Making contact, however, is what we independent people do to build our spheres and synergize.

I wish blogger had some sort of mechanism for making contact. I mean other than posting your email for the perverts, freaks, and spammers to see. Maybe the option to for the person leaving the comment to hide some or all of their comment from the public, but the info would be available to the contributor of the original post so that I might get a first contact email. Or maybe Blogger could offer the option to form Blogger groups, where we might click a button on the NavBar to send requests to other bloggers to join or form a group.

M!ck3y is learning HTML

My little friend is learning HTML. She just started tonight. Just over a month ago, she was all "Computers don't interest me," now she's like "I want to learn" and "What's that?"

She just turned 15 and already she's taking the bull by the horns.

I am friends with her older brother so it was just natural for me to accept her like I accepted his younger brother who is also my brother's friend¹. I only met her because she was trying to get her oldest brother, "The Mad Bomber of Brooklyn," Jahair² and I to be friends again. Three months later, I wouldn't call us friends but we are talking again.

1. I don't know why he hangs out with Barry. It's a real possibility that I'll elaborate on the subject later.
2. An indiscretion from his younger days that made world news:
• G4 Tech TV
• Virus.org

By the way, I've known him for about four (4) years and I found out by typing his first name into the URL field of Firefox

Blogspot

Is it just me or has Blogger been acting up. I've noticed since I've been posting everyday that I am having difficulty logging in, when I publish sometimes I get errors and today I can log in but I can't view my page.

I also upgraded to Firefox 1.0.2, but I can't access it from any browser on my Mac.

Science and Wisdom

Science says: "We must live," and seeks the means of prolonging, increasing, facilitating and amplifying life, of making it tolerable and acceptable, wisdom says: "We must die," and seeks how to make us die well.

WWE Wrestlemania 21

Cena beat JBL, 'Taker took Orton to school, Angle whooped HBK's ass and Batista played "The Game" and won.

Breakfast 040405

Just had two (2) pan scrambled eggs with a slice of Velveeta cheese and four (4) "Armour" breakfast sausages. It's been so long since I had a hot breakfast. I rarely have any at all.

I am working with less than two (2) hours sleep. I need a nap.

Awaiting the Monday phone conference with IGT Marketing.

Have you ever known good, deserving people, who just don't follow through and lets the little things fall through the cracks until the cracks are wide enough for them to fall through themselves?

Google Gulp

LOL, April Fool's. I have to admit, I've been got, maybe for the first time ever. Things just didn't add up tho.

Daylight Saving time

This morning I am unable to account for an hour. This morning I was pretty sure 2 a.m. would follow 1:59, but instead the 3 a.m. What happened? It must mean I should be in bed. Good morning all.

040205

Over the next couple of weeks, I seem to have my work cut out for me. I seem to have been abandonned by MTS.

While I do have a fair amount of HTML, CSS, and JavaScript knowledge and can use Dreamweaver, Fireworks, and Flash to some extent, am I ready to make the jump into web development by myself. They usually handle the Flash stuff. I mean I know the basics of creating an animation but I don't know all that I need to know of Flash to really "bust it down." I don't know about the connectors and I know nothing about ActionScript. Hell, the little I know of JavaScript is kicking my butt.

I guess I've got to do what I've got to do, even thought I know I'm about to take a licking. I have two (2) sites pending, fortunately without deadlines. Anyway, here's my plan:

I'm going to fake it.

1. I will buy time by doing all of the necessary stuff that seems unimportant.
• I will talk them out of an all Flash site. They want one because it looks nice and the pretty site seems to be a status symbol for them. Really, it isn't the best direction to go if you are concerned about search engine optimization.
• I need to get them to reword the site to increase the keyword density for search engines.
• I'm going to make them aware of things that I think will make the site more appealing to their audience and make them want to come back, i.e. a sidebar with "tips" relevant to the market they are serving.
2. Meanwhile, I will learn what I need to accomplish the project goals.
3. Currently, I am trying to learn how to use Flash Components. It's not going very well because the tutorial is trying to introduce me to ActionScript and I just can't seem to get it, but I will... shortly. I just need to apply it.

They don't care how it gets done, so long as it gets done. They want it to look good and get their message accross and don't understand that what looks good to them may prevent the imformation from getting to the desired destination.

They've already approved a pretty simple design. Now all I will need to do is translate the design from Flash to CSS.

Since I began writting this, I realize I am up to it. I will take it as a learning experience and handle my business. I will not lose!

GMail

Google is "Metal" y'all!!! It just rocks, just when you think it couldn't get any better, it does.

I'm here cleaning the cell, got bored and decided to surf a couple of my fav sites and I came across a few forum posts, some of which involved the goings on at google. Some of the more interesting things, to me at least, I've encountered over the last few days include "Google Code," Hello and "Gulp."

In addition to the posts about Google, there was a post about Yahoo! You know the "Cam Girls" brothel here on the web. Yahoo! offers 250MB of email storage and will soon offer 1GB of storage. We can only imagine that they are following the lead of Google's GMail, which has offered 1GB since it's debut last year. The Yahoo! post reminded me to set up a filter in my own GMail account to separate mail that I send to myself as reminders from all my other mail. Upon logging in, I found that my 1GB ceiling had been raised to 2GB+.

G is for growth
Storage is an important part of email, but that doesn't mean you should have to worry about it. To celebrate our one-year birthday, we're giving everyone one more gigabyte. But why stop the party there? Our plan is to continue growing your storage beyond 2GBs by giving you more space as we are able. We know that email will only become more important in people's lives, and we want Gmail to keep up with our users and their needs. From Gmail, you can expect more.

They even added a counter.

Stoopid Bitches

I hate 'em!!! LOL :) But really, get a fuckin' life!!!

Damn!

OMG, My PSP turned pink today!!!

Why is M!ck3y bugging the fuck out???

 

Hmmm!

I have a cute nose.

OMFG

I hate stupid bitches. I hate dumb fuckers. I hate, I hate, hate, hate...

Get the fuck out of here. I ain't got the time or energy to hate or even deal with regressed people. Get a fucking life and get off my dick!

All y'all butches that think you something special, you know, you empty headed bitches with your weave leaning in whichever direction the wind is blowing in. If you at my blog, check this, the women on these pages are leaps and bounds ahead of you. You will never achieve the caliber of lady to which they belong. You just haven't got what it takes.

You can take your broke ass, weave wearing, leaning ass sneaker wearing ass elsewhere, 'cause I don't want you.

Inspiration

Still thinking alot... Since yesterday, I've been thinking about the things and people that inspired me and made me who I am. Over the next few weeks, I will be adding more pictures of the people and things that have inspired me in the past. I'm hoping that the same things that inspired me then will inspire me again.

I don't live in the past. I acknowledge and respect it.

I will probably post the PSP sized pictures until I get over the initial "WOW" factor.

This is Kyonna in like '98-'99. She was always an inspiration to me because she stood by me thru everything. It wasn't so much what she did, but just her presence, even tho much of the time she was there in secret. Thank you, sweetheart. I hope we get it together. I miss hearing you laugh all the time at stoopid shit.

I live for my music. I can't be classified as a fan. There is a song to match my every mood. I've chosen Hova because I identified with "Reasonable Doubt," it was who I was. It was my life. He also represents where I want to be, I am relearning how to adapt my environment to me in addition to adapting to my environment. 

Sin City

I want to see Sin City this weekend. I'm broke and damn, still hungry. To the right is Jessica Alba, she is off the chain. I think she'd make quite a tasty dish. 

Yawning! About to eat some Honey Nut Cheerios.

No Cheerios, opted for Smart Start instead. This is good. I should have added a banana, would have made it better.

Knight Rider is on SciFi all day. I haven't watched that since I was like twelve (12). I probably will not watch more than the episode that's on. Even more probable, not even, it isn't holding my attention.

Haven't slept yet. What gives? Up all night, thinking… About what? Not sure. I’m starving tho… I want my life back…

Regrets

A couple of hours ago, I had what I hope is the last in a series of arguments with my “X,” which have been going on for several months now. We’ve spoken no more than five times in the last 3 months, this is including instant messaging, and every time it turned into an argument or she’d say something that pissed me off and I would just drop it by ending the conversation. She kept saying I was being sensitive. I felt with all the space between us and the length of time that would go by without us communicating we’d have something nice to say to each other. We used to sit on the phone every night talking ‘til we drifted off to dream land or our phones died, some times we even broke day. I know her better than her boyfriends, lovers or whatever you wish to call yourself ever did or will.

I’ve come to the conclusion that she was used to me being the “strong and silent type.” For years we’ve been getting closer and closer, probably more than anyone knows. Whenever something went down, I was there. Whenever she wanted to talk, I was there. The truth is I never really needed to talk about anything. If I did it would be like me thinking about changing jobs or that I wasn’t happy with my son’s environment. Truth is I’ve always been in control of my life. If a situation was unacceptable to me, I was looking for a way out of it or a solution to the problem it posed.

A little while ago, I found myself trapped. I turned to the only friend I had. Like I said earlier, if it was broke, I was working on fixing it. This time I couldn’t, I didn’t know how. I was out of work, broke, hungry… My personal demons were eating me from the inside, out. She turned her back on me. She had her “own problems” and mine were superficial.

I thought I had a friend, I thought wrong. I am, in life, where I was about five (5) years ago… alone. I suppose it’s for the best. If I can’t depend on anyone, I can’t be disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, we still have a special place in each other’s hearts. I know there is, at least, one in mine for her. If I’m hungry she’ll feed me. It isn’t my body I’m worried about, it’s my soul.

Beads of sweat second thoughts on my mind, how can I ease the stress and learn to live with these regrets this time… stress… givin’ this shit up… fuck!

No answers to these trick questions, no time shit stressin’, my life found I got to live for the right now. Time waits for no man, can’t turn back the hands once it’s too late, gotta learn to live with regrets…

You used to hold me, told me that I was the best, anything in this world I want I could possess… All that made me want is all that I could get… In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets…

I guess in the end, no one believes in true, unconditional friendship.

Sony PSP

On Saturday, I bought a Sony PSP. I really couldn't afford it, but I deserved it. Everyone who went out and bought themselves a Nintendo DS, ha haaa, hate me now.

The images below were taken with my Canon PowerShot S60¹ saved at the 16:9 aspect ratio, 480 x 272 px, 4.3 inches². The image quality is the best I've ever seen on a portable game system and probably will remain so for some time to come.

I have the Spiderman 2 UMD and it is beautiful. If it isn't HD DVD quality, I can't tell. I guess it's optimized for the screen size.

I am not, however, impressed by the games that are offered so far. I have Metal Gear Ac!d, a card based version of Metal Gear Solid, I like it... this much... you get the picture.

Me, myself and I... Taken at Coldstone Creamery on 42nd and 8th in Manhattan.

They make it so you can't prevent it. Never give it, you got to take it. I can't fake it, I keep it authentic.

Minimee... My son, my creation in my image, the biggest part of my world.

I can’t explain it when I pick up my son and look at my face.

My little brother, Daivon. This was taken on Easter Sunday for a school function. He has a part to play, for better or for worse.

Delrina, my little sister. She doesn't look anything like me does she? Pictures of her two (2) brats to follow in a later post.

Ti'Lesa, once one of my best friends. We are just opening the lines of communication after a year of not speaking. This picture was taken about 2 years ago.

Devin and Azelia. ooooooooooooooooo, Azelia! I don't know Azelia much at all but there's just something about her. I want to get to know her, if Devin would connect us, I can. 

1. All the pictures were taken with my PowerShot S60 accept for the picture of Ti'Lesa, which was scanned on an Epson Perfection, and the one of Devin and Azelia was taken with an Olympus Digital Camera.
2. I measure the screen at 5 x 2.833 inches and approximately 5.75 inches diagonal.

032405

I love my son, my minimee, my lil' boy. I am proud of him.

Hmmmm, still thinking. I did make some progress though. Some times I get afraid to express myself, because even though I am not afraid I hate rejection.

This is just the beginning. On Monday, the 21st, I had the usual meeting with IGT Marketing. I am normally passive and let the meeting go as it would've if I wasn't part of it. I just listen in and they update me about any projects I may be working on¹ and projects they are trying to secure for me². This meeting was different. I just went at them.

They approved the design contracts that they had previously rejected. This was a big win for me. I have been working with them without a contract for a little less than a year. They were supposed to propose a contract to me in order to codify our working relationship. They are good people and I don't mind how we deal with each other. However, they bring their clients to me. I've done some work, whether it be research or sketches, only to hear that they heard from a friend or a relative that they can get it done cheaper. Honestly, if they can find it cheaper than what I'm offering, then the phrase "You get what you pay for!" applies, and they are finding this to be true. Which is why my quotes are good for only thirty days from the date they are given.

An even tougher sell was Vector over Raster. I used to design or redesign logos in vector format. I prefer vectors to rasters because they are more flexible and whether they are scaled up or down they will always contain the same amount of detail but may not be as detailed as rasters. Raster images, on the other hand, can be photorealistic but if you enlarge the image it will lose quality and detail. My challenge came in getting them to understand the difference between the two (2). I'm not sure they completely understand, but they did notice the quality difference, which is a step in the right direction.

1. This is is always short because I don't usually have a lot of projects.
2. More often, but it seems that, sometimes, even though they are working on it, "it" never happens.

I will...

Prepare Plan Hope Think Choose Learn Live Connect Prioritize

Succeed Achieve Focus Reach Accomplish Dream Become Change

Overcome Pursue Finish Thrive Resolve Laugh Breathe Believe

I've been thinking a lot lately. There is just so much I have in mind to accomplish. I seem to have lost my way, my ambition, my drive, my desire...

I have so many skills, but I lack so many others. Mainly, I lack the very necessary social skills. I've never been very good at Networking or keeping in touch with people. I have so many business cards from people I've met over the months and years even. I'm wondering if I should reach out and try to reconnect.

Then there's the fact that I'm not focused. I know what I want to do. I know what I have to do but I have a problem prioritizing my To Dos.

For the next to weeks I will be trying to tie up all my loose ends, whether it be financial or personal. I need to get to know me again, the me everyone else has come to love and depend on.

One of the things I will be doing is putting up an "In the Meantime" professional site, until I can afford a host. I will also be putting up a personal site, which will serve as test space for client side technologies I've learned or that I am learning. On my list of To Dos is rounding off all the corners with my clients and associates. I've been quiet for too long.

correction r.i.p. renee altavia

i have to retract the information in the previous post. i got the "bad" news early this morning and everyone has been calling me all day to offer condolences. my mother called me just a little while ago to let me know she isn't gone yet, but she is very ill.

r.i.p. renee altavia

i found out this morning that my only aunt died is very sick. am i a bad person because i feel nothing — no remorse?

i remember her as being afraid, but having a kind heart. she was always willing to help, although she had less than noble motives. she was the one my father's side of the family would send to the door on christmas to tell me they had no gifts for me... she'd crack the door, "we don't have anything for you," then shut it as easily as she opened it. i disassociated myself with her early because she was a thief and a liar. you'd catch her stealing from you and she'd take you to the police station to prove her innocence. she was something else. she had habits to support.

later she somewhat got her life together, waiting for her days to count down. see, she found out she had human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and turned her life around even though it was too late. no cure, no second chance.

i don't know what killed what's wrong with her. a few weeks ago she had a stroke. maybe her HIV progressed to the later stages of AID (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome).

she is survived by her has 2 daughters, a grand daughter, her mother, 3 brothers, nieces and nephews, and so on. i, her oldest nephew, will not be attending any services in her honor. i guess i said my goodbyes a long time ago.

i bare no grudges or anger, any pain i may have felt has assuaged. this post is my last goodbye. my aunt, she lived, she died,s she was is 42. and for the times you were there, although i don't remember any, you will be missed.