r.i.p. renee altavia

i found out this morning that my only aunt died is very sick. am i a bad person because i feel nothing — no remorse?

i remember her as being afraid, but having a kind heart. she was always willing to help, although she had less than noble motives. she was the one my father's side of the family would send to the door on christmas to tell me they had no gifts for me... she'd crack the door, "we don't have anything for you," then shut it as easily as she opened it. i disassociated myself with her early because she was a thief and a liar. you'd catch her stealing from you and she'd take you to the police station to prove her innocence. she was something else. she had habits to support.

later she somewhat got her life together, waiting for her days to count down. see, she found out she had human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and turned her life around even though it was too late. no cure, no second chance.

i don't know what killed what's wrong with her. a few weeks ago she had a stroke. maybe her HIV progressed to the later stages of AID (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome).

she is survived by her has 2 daughters, a grand daughter, her mother, 3 brothers, nieces and nephews, and so on. i, her oldest nephew, will not be attending any services in her honor. i guess i said my goodbyes a long time ago.

i bare no grudges or anger, any pain i may have felt has assuaged. this post is my last goodbye. my aunt, she lived, she died,s she was is 42. and for the times you were there, although i don't remember any, you will be missed.