Friday, March 24, 2006

I'm Like WTF

The Great Adventures of Slick Rick album art

♫ Slick Rick
Children's Story
The Great Adventures of Slick Rick

I don't know. The week started off kinda slow. Now tomorrow taking the day off to recharge.

One interview, ended in me being recommended for a position other than what I had applied for. I don't think I would have gotten that job because they are looking for automatons. When he asked me about a situation where I felt I was most strong, I told him about how I was charged with handling the larger clients at my previous job and how when there was a customer issue I would be placed to buffer the manager. He felt that other managers might not like that my personality is so strong. He said that they might feel threatened that I might be able to build relationships with the customers outside of them. I responded that it should support my team and manager not take away from them. It bothers me just a little that being aware of your strengths and direction is a bad thing. I might be an OK team player, but ultimately my goal is team leader… It's just in my nature.

The second interview was at Lehman Brothers. It wasn't for a specific job, just informational. I am trying to build relationships and this one is an important one. She referred me to a couple of temp agencies that specialize in my skill set. She also wants to try to get me into Lehman.

I found this week that a lot of people are backing me. Not just the people in my Web World, but also in my personal sphere. I met a few people this week I hope to build productive relationships with.

My epiphany came when I was feeling alone and unwanted. This week I ended up at the one spot I had been avoiding for the last two years. I was welcomed with open arms. I will see how this works out for the time being.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Fucking Eureka, Son

LOL at Tiffany. I hope she don't mind it was appropriate. I have an interview in the morning so I promised myself this will not take more than 60 seconds to post.

I normally choke on the question or the request, Tell me about yourself. Not tomorrow. For the 1st time since I can remember I feel I really know myself.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

All Good Things Must Come To An End

Yesterday, was the greatest fucking day I have had in a long time, certainly for the year. Everything just seemed to fall into place. Dooney even took a full body pic and of me and I liked it. So I cropped it and posted it. It just fit. I was not giving a fuck.

Everything was gravy until I came to my sister's, the closest place I have to a home at the moment. I seriously need a change of space.

Things seem to be going to well for me right now to allow my focus to be broken. This week I have a couple of interviews, one with Merill Lynch and the other at Lehman Brothers. Wish me luck.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Me, just not caring

Me, just not caring, originally uploaded by Dramatic. I had an f'n bitchin' day! I was swinging back and forth in the chair.

Once Trust Is Broken

The first thing most of my friends find out about me is that I don't have many friends. Most of my friends chose me to be their friend. Whether it was because we had similar interests or I had something they wanted or admired something about me.

I have few friends because first and foremost I am a loner by nature. I grew up and have lived with the mentality that all I needed was me and my girlfriend. Which in most cases still holds true. I am realizing lately that I need people to get by. Whether it be for networking which I might have a hidden or dormant knack for or just that person that will always be there when you need that shoulder.

Friendship is on my mind today because I was betrayed by someone I considered a close friend. I mean when you let people get close and they turn their backs on you, it's a form of betrayal, isn't it? My trust is broken. Now after shedding some light on the situation, you want to apologize. Tell me I am right, you were wrong, yada, yada, yada. I mean, you tried to hurt me. You didn't do it indirectly. You tried to get at me. I have made some mistakes and I have apologized for my indiscretions. I repent. People do make mistakes. I never caused anyone injury, emotionally, physically or otherwise, purposely.

Your intention was to do me harm. You can not be sorry. You weight the pros and cons and sought to do away with me. Can I forgive you? Maybe. Will I? Not sure yet. There is little mercy in my heart for people who try to hurt people who love them. Yes, I loved you. You proved unworthy. I always told you the worse thing I could do to someone is to let them go. I don't think that after being betrayed, a trust can be regained.

I am proud that I elevated you to the level of courage you have now. I tried to teach you to choose your battles. No matter what, I wish you all the best still. I will not forget the love and the friendship that once was. Sometimes all one has are their memories.

Friday, March 17, 2006

X3: The Last Stand

X3: The Last Stand, originally uploaded by Dramatic. From the HD Quicktime trailer.

I so want to see this movie when it comes out. It looks as tho Jean Grey might be the Dark Pheonix. I could be wrong. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

17 Days Into It

In my previous entry Sacrifice I expressed my desire to give up some things for the season of lent. I am still doing pretty well. I did however have meat this week. Had a cheddar cheese burger the other day and I had some rice with some meat gravy today.

I will still continue to try to get by without meat for the rest of lent.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

37 More Days

March 8

I have been doing surprisingly well depriving myself of certain things. Right now sex and food are the hardest things.

I got some good news. Over the next week or so, I have an interview at Lehman Brothers. It's an informational interview, which is basically so you and the company can get to know each other. Could lead to employment, could lead to another bread crumb on my journey through this rabbit hole I have come to call my life. You know what? I am looking forward to this. I'm preparing for that now. Hopefully the part time job comes through too.

I don't know. Someone offered me an apology today. I don't know if I should accept or not. She kinda falls in the category of someone I have been good to and then turned their back on me.

In my previous post, ehem, I might have made a mistake and if I did I am sorry. This person tried to rip me up on her page and stated that I should stop writing about my life and that no one cared. Then parroted me on her 360º page. I guess she failed to realized that I get a couple of hundred hits a week and she is one of my faithful readers, that's how she saw my post. My blog is also what she said made her want to get to know me further. I promise not to lose any sleep over it. Still got my friends and the people who love me.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Mo' Stoopid Bitches

2.Male/30/shorter-5'8/chubby/never sampled the dick but by the looks of him it will be corny/1kid(not mine/wants a relationship/ kinda attracted to him.

Now 1st of all I am 29, not quite 30 yet.

If only she she knew I come with references. My x and anyone else I have messed with will vouch for me.

I was curious about this person. In the beginning, there was an air of mystery about her. Like the way she introduced herself and she came at me right. Then some things were off. She totally switched up. Now she got someone else's pic on her page. I ain't never seen her. I don't want a relationship with her, too many inconsistencies.

Then she used to ask dumb shit like who am I interested in on my friends list. I don't need no stupid females harassing my people.

To all the pretty women out there getting their pics stolen by females like this, theft is the sincerest form of flattery, but you don't want to be mistaken for someone who ain't right.

To all my people on 360º who showed love and to all the lovely ladies who are waiting to be on my list there may be a couple of openings soon. Just be real with me and I will be with you. If I haven't added you there is room for you right now on my messenger buddy list.

Update: Wednesday, March 8, 2006, 12:00 PM

Apparently, I am mistaken and really should be embarrassed. It is not about me after all. I am tendering my apology here. I am sorry!

Bellamafia: Visiting with Ghosts.

A very interesting story from a friend.

Bellamafia: Visiting with Ghosts.:

When I stepped into the car I remember the catching the scent of old, of decay.  You know that smell…slightly musty…sweetly metallic, like copper or rust; the very faint smell of stale smoke as if the jacket has been stuck in a closet, in garment bag for a lifetime or two.  Not a bad smell exactly, but a smell that makes you a little uncomfortable, as if you are intruding…

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Be Proactive

7 Habits asks you to assume the role of a teacher rather than a student while reading the book, so that you take in the material differently. It’s kinda saying it becomes a little more important if you have to teach someone than if you are trying to learn it.

“Be proactive” is the first habit in the book. Proactivity defined is taking responsibility for our own lives. It’s about working from the inside, who you are, out.

The book offers some suggestions for application at the end of the chapters. I modified the 1st challenge and took a few days to monitor my language and the language of others around me.

I realize that even though I have the mindset that I am going to fix this and make things right and that I am rarely concerned about what others should be doing, I speak as though I am not in control. I say a lot of stuff like “I have to,” “I must,” or “I need to.” I do realize that most of this is a choice.

I look at certain people around me and they really aren’t in control. They will swear that they are. Just like me they are in situations they don’t want to be in and have no way out. The tragedy is they are putting all of their energy into complaining, instead of trying to build tools to fight their way out. I guess that’s my biggest credit, I DON’T GIVE UP!

How do I reach these people as I move back into independence?

The second involves identifying an experience in which I might behave reactively. Then to visualize myself handling it proactive.

I had an experience last night where my son’s mother wanted to show off and try to make me look bad. She went on and on about me not having any regard for other people’s property and if it was mine I would have tried to kill…

One fact that everyone knows about me, I treat everyone’s stuff as I would want them to treat mine. I only own one thing at this point, my PowerBook. She pointed that out.

I reminded her that the keyboard was that slipped out of my hand from a six inch shelf on the desk. Then she was wondering why it was I got upset. Clearly, everyone saw that since I had come from the store she was trying to antagonize me. She also wanted to involve the children about an incident that occurred about a week ago where one of the children had dropped a stuffed animal one my PowerBook, almost knocking it off my lap. I did not react then how she said I did. So I asked one of the children, including the one who had dropped this tiger on me. She said that they would always agree with me.

I don’t give them any reason to lie. In fact I rarely punish them for things they do wrong. I have always tried to teach them about positive and negative consequences. In this particular situation the consequence is trust. If they would have lied to me who else would they lie for?

I should not have yelled at her, I should have ignored her and continued what I was doing. This was a situation where she did not merit response. Maybe a simple I’m sorry would have worked.

The third and forth challenges, I haven’t gotten to yet. The third involves identifying a problem that is frustrating to me and determine whether I have direct, indirect or no control. Then to identify the 1st step in my “circle of influence that I can take to solve it.

The final challenge is a 30 day self test of proactivity.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Tazo Envy, A Little Bag of Heaven

/

I could be mistaken, this stuff is f’n great. After a long day, I had a much needed disconnect with a cup of Envy. Recharge, no joke!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

The Book...

Ok I am reading the book right and while none of what’s in the book is new to me so far all off it is making sense.

I made some decisions a long time ago about the person I want to be. I chose not to let anyone live through me. I chose not to let any one’s actions affect the way I feel, their actions are just that and they will suffer the consequences even though I have to bare those consequences with them.


The right path is the only path.

I always knew that I had the power to choose my responses to what was going on around me. I just didn’t always make the right choice. Today I am choosing to make better choices.

I want to walk the right path now. I am not religious and I may never be. So many preach it, few walk it. My road is lonely. Who will walk with me.

I have learned that I have not been as understanding to the children, who I love so much. Today, Joy laid her head in my chest and cried, she felt that I didn’t want her around. I understand now that the years of conditioning that make up who she is can’t be done overnight. I want her to learn, I want her to learn from my example, I want her to learn that everything from this point on is about her choices.

Joy, I love you. Please make the best choices you can. We are all her to help you and love you.

I had always known that love was a matter of choice. I choose to love her. The book says that love, real love is an action and love the feeling is a fruit born of that action. Joy thank you for loving me.

UNTOLD TRUTH

NIKE UNTOLD TRUTH:

I wish I had come across this last month. It would have been sweet to post for Black History month. Anyway, it's nice seeing a big company like Nike doing something like this.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

A bit of confusion

Had to make this clear. The Tiffany that is the latest picture in my photostream is not the same Tiffany that I blogged about earlier today.

Sacrifice

Today is the 1st day of Lent. In Western Christianity, it is the 40 day period between Ash Wednesday (today) and Easter, excluding Sundays. Its 46 days in total.

Lent is marked by fasting from food and “festivities.”

I have decided to give up meat, everything sexual, explicit sweets, like candy, and anything that might serve as a distraction for me.

In addition, I am giving up the “7 Deadly” and everything related to them, for 46 day. They are greed, gluttony, pride, envy, sloth, and my two favorites lust and wrath. The questing is, what are the “7 Heavenly” going to do without their twisted sisters?

I just figure if I cut these things off, I will both gain a short term productivity boost and when I reintroduce them into my life I can have them in moderation.

Tiffany

Me, originally uploaded by Dramatic. I was mad cold. Had to throw on the hoody.

Got to speak to Tiffany Saturday. Called her for her birthday on Sunday night so that I would be on the phone with her at midnight. I love the sound of her voice. I am missing it right now. Tiffany always helped me put things in perspective. Since we started talking anyway. She's one of the people that makes it easier to cope.

One More Thing

I don't do anonymous comments. Even if you got something negative to say or you got some criticism, bring it, I can take it. Be proud of who you are and your opinions. Otherwise, keep it moving!

He Giveth

Follow closely. This is the only time I am going to say it.

Your words can't hurt me.
The words of my "friends" are the wind beneath my wings.
I will always sour above you, can't you see me?
I haven't time for needless things…

Draw your last breath.
I desire only what's mine.
Did you really have to say all the things you said?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9…

OK, deep breath!

Anonymous comments, vague references…
Say what's on your mind, damn!
Stop hiding behind bullshit and fences!
I fear not your love for the bird chested man.

I the one who held you high
Held you tight and wiped your tears when you would cry.
Took in your pain and wished all who hurt you would die.
Now I'm deaded over some next guy?

You are lost, not even a memory to me.
Once again, take your last…
Don't forget to forget me
Go to hell, but first kiss my BIG BLACK ASS!.

Friends are forever, and you forgot that. I am less forgiving than her. I was there for you when you were plotting against her. I would have bodied people over you. I once loved you. I was there when you wanted to die, contemplated suicide. Bigger and better, huh. My post was in defense of a friend that was feeling hurt and neglected. What was your purpose?

If you really wanted to make a statement, you would get rid of the sn that bares my name and all the stuff I brought you to since we met. Show me you can live without what I have given you, because you reneged on what you gave me.

Back to being bigger and better… None of y'all betta! You know that, that's why you felt the need to get at me. And letting people believe they know… Shorty I wrote the book, not too hard to read. Hopeless and pathethic… I was your dream, your hope… The pic you got on your page, never forget, you were looking at me!

I wish you all the best and hope you have more happiness than you can contain. If any part of the person who loved me and shared my pain, who was part of the Trinity and the "Saga…" If that person still exists at all then you deserve to be happy.

He taketh away.