Monday, January 31, 2005

tech nightmares: customer service

everyone's customer service sucks at least sometimes. then they go and make it worse by moving tech support and customer service to like india.

tech support

tech nightmares: customer service - cnet reviews

windows xp sp2

tech nightmares: windows xp sp2 - cnet reviews

Monday, January 24, 2005

family

alex, chris, daivon, darrell, delrina, deon (minime), dominique, geo, kyonna, lakish, taniesa

woke up this morning...

i haven't been up in the morning for a while, and if i did i went back to sleep soon after that. sleep has become my remedy for boredom — i've been bored a lot lately. i did go to sleep after a while.

the important thing is i was up to get an email from an old friend and reconnect with her. her name is erika. she became very important to me in my kinko's days. i mean she's the sweetest lady when she wants to be. long brown hair, her eyes twinkled and a smile that could melt butter — when she decides to smile anyway.

she would sometimes bring me lunch because i would waive my half hour break everyday. she even called corporate on my behalf because i wouldn't. i miss her. her smile used to make my evenings bearable.

now we've reconnected, i hope. it seems we have a problem keeping in touch.

anyway she's the founder of vision quest and very special to me.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

memory lane

film strip: destiny, kyonna and lakish

the women of my life... destiny, my first love. kyonna (key), my x and best friend. lakish, my son's "mommy.

now that we're here, it's so far away... all the struggle we thought was in vain all the mistakes, one life contained, they all finally start to go away... now that we're here, its so far away... and i feel like i can face the day, i can forgive and i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today

destiny was everything, next to my son of course. i met her when i was 24 and fell in love instantly, for the first time. we went thru 2 years of madness and got engaged. she left me to find her own way. she said she felt she needed to prove that she could make it without me and that either way, she'd come back to me.

my soulmate, key, is here, has been there and says she will always be there. i'm not sure if you only get one soulmate, but if there is a such thing, she'd be it. our relationship is special and unique.

what can i say about my son's mother? check the previous post, babymommadrama. we've had and have our differences. truth is she was my first serious relationship. even if i found out she wasn't what i wanted, she was the one that helped me realize that. she has a soft spot for me.

for the few reasons mentioned above and many more i love y'all.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

want me?

i was just told by the person that usually wants me the most that she doesn't want me anymore. i feinted an advance and she shot me down. it wasn't real but it bothered me nonetheless, just a little bit though. it's not that serious, nothing is that serious anymore.

Monday, January 17, 2005

babymommadrama

hmmmmm, my son's mother. what can i say.

sometimes i can't stand her. once upon a time i couldn't stand her, this isn't the case of late. i am quite happy with her. we are civil to each other. we are getting along. dare i say even work together sometimes.

no jealousy, no animosity, no hate what so ever. i don't know how long it will last. i'm still used to fighting all the time. we even met each other at open school. we were in court as plaintiff and respondent, but we were there together. aside from her getting mad at minor shit, we did not speak ill of each other.

i am writing this entry because i want her to know that i'm ok with us being friends, for as long as that lasts. here's a poem she wrote. i'm posting it as is.

I am a flower that blooms in the spring breeze, so pleased to be at peace, BULL SHIT PLEASE. How can I be at ease knowing I'm living in times like these? So repressed, depressed, real stressed, to go through with this test, same mess none the lest, nature knows best. If you ask me I'm a flower swiveled in the mud, rundown to the ground. Some one has stolen my summer crown. Beat down to a pulp ill be, pretty flower, PLEASE. Every petal represents my struggle in each segment one petal hits the pavement. You think I'm kidding about the pretty flower I be, prematurely ruined ill be, pretty flower, that's me. Pretty flower that starts like a seed and the way I formed my leaves for security, it didn't help much, now look at me pretty flower ruined that's me.(sic)

you are always talking about how i don't mention you. you never gave me a reason to. now you have.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

:.:.slave to the metal.:.:

juliya, suite101.com interview

i don't know how many of you watch fuse, for me it's what mtv used to be, all music all the time. if it's not videos, it's a concert, if not a concert, a group, band, or some sort of person involved with music is being interviewed.

some of you, even my closer friends (what few i have), may not know that aside from the usual hip hop and r&b i am into rock music and some metal. slipknot, korn, linkin park, marilyn manson to name a few of the acts i listen to. i mean why not. we are exposed to it in video games. anyone who's a fan of the wwe can't say they weren't into "beautiful people" by marilyn manson when it was the theme song on smackdown not to mention the cross over appeal it has in hip hop today, namely the "collision course" collaboration of jigga and lp.

i was first put on by my x fiancé, destiny, now i'm more into it than she is. i am not as knowledgeable as i would like to be on the genre, however.

uranium logo captured from flash at fuse.tv

back to fuse. i happened on fuse entirely by accident. i heard about it before, but i was never a fan of music television. well, i had my moments. i can remember when mtv and bet for that matter were mostly music. anyway, i just happen to turn to the channel while "uranium" was on. all i could say was "wow, who's that?" it was :.:.juliya.:.:. i had to find out more. my first stop was after fuse.tv was juliya's playboy interview. then i ran into her personal page which, if you are following the links, you've already been to.

juliya has a new advice show which will be airing friday, january 21 at 8:30 pm et on fuse aptly titled slave to the metal. i don't remember where or when i signed up for a mailing list but here's the email i received about the show:

It's Juliya from Fuse TV/Uranium! I'm starting a new advice TV show called Slave to the Metal that begins taping tomorrow and I want you to be a part of it. I will be dishing out my own special brand of advice to those brave enough to ask on Slave To The Metal. Real questions from real people: real answers to real problems. Anything from music, body piercings and tattoos to boyfriend girlfriend problems, secrets waiting to be revealed or hidden and, of course, how and when you became a Slave to the Metal. I am here to listen and help. You ask, I answer. Make sure to include your phone number on your e-mail for the chance to ask me your question LIVE! address: slavetothemetal@fuse.tv XOXO Juliya Slave to the Metal

on the mind of key: january 11, 11:53 p.m

on the mind of key: january 11, 2005 11:53 p.m

this post was an answer to the idk post. i looked at it from her point of view and i apologized. i can admit when i'm wrong.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

idk

this post was triggered but isn't directed toward anyone person.

i don'nt know what's up these days. i've been heavily depressed for about four months now. i must have a different view of what a friend is, because the few i thought i had have evaporated throughout 2004.

i'm not used to my life being like this, i don't want to get used to it. i'm not used to being broke. i'm not used to not being able to do for myself. i'm not used to feeling helpless.

my "friend" says she doesn't want to deal with me being depressed all the time. fact is, whenever, no matter how i felt about what she was going thru, i was still there — i still listened. i get:

"now you can say our friendship is going downhill and it's all your fault... do you need a pad?"

my question, to myself, is how does someone who is not suicidal deal with thoughts of suicide? i mean i'm not gonna kill myself. that's for damn sure. it doesn't mean i don't wonder if the world would be better without me.

see, i'm used to being hated. hated because i'm doing well. hated because someone thinks i think i'm better than them, or is it just that you think i'm better.

it's like i'm turning 18 all over again and realizing i'm not invincible. when i turned 18, i thought i was ready for everything and found that i was ready for nothing.

i'm gonna have to deal with stuff how i know best. i'm going to close my eyes, bite my lip and draw all my pain and anger inside. going to pull back, keep things to myself.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

me on the real: keep up with me

me on the real: keep up with me

i never knew she was a poet, this is my favorite... so far. i've known keesha for about 5 years. i met her on aim and we clicked. while we were never really close, i think, thought, will always, that she's waaaaay cool. keesha is a great judge of people. she linked me to a couple of friends over the years.

the 1st was hazel, a lil' puerto rican cutie from brooklyn. i met her in late autumn, just as it was starting to get cold. her hair was straight and covering her ears. she had on a little black scully and black peacoat. her cheeks and nose were red with the chill of the autumn breeze.

we met in the brooklyn public library at grand army plaza and walked along the west side of prospect park from the library to the tennis courts and along the parade grounds on parkside avenue.

we met a few times and just walked around. sometimes we went to a coffee lounge in park slope and talked for hours about nothing. it went a little deeper, but not much.

the 2nd is nia. i wish i could say i knew a lot more about her. i just met her. keesha made the introduction on yahoo!. nia is living out of state now, boston, i believe. i like what i know so far. she's sort of mysterious, but she's sweet and intelligent. even tho it's just on the web right now, when we speak, she holds my attention. i look forward to meeting her in person, when she moves back to bk. i'm lloking forward to hearing her read her poetry. i just looking forward to a long fruitful friendship.

who knows she may be the one to get me to start writing my own poetry again, the last time i wrote was at brookdale, while my son was being delivered into the world. he will be 9 on february 15th.

anyhow, it always seems that keesha pops up when i need someone to talk to. and when ever she exits, she never leaves me alone. she always finds someone for me to talk to until she gets back. for that i am thankful i met her.