Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Hmmm!

I have a cute nose.

OMFG

I hate stupid bitches. I hate dumb fuckers. I hate, I hate, hate, hate...

Get the fuck out of here. I ain't got the time or energy to hate or even deal with regressed people. Get a fucking life and get off my dick!

All y'all butches that think you something special, you know, you empty headed bitches with your weave leaning in whichever direction the wind is blowing in. If you at my blog, check this, the women on these pages are leaps and bounds ahead of you. You will never achieve the caliber of lady to which they belong. You just haven't got what it takes.

You can take your broke ass, weave wearing, leaning ass sneaker wearing ass elsewhere, 'cause I don't want you.

Inspiration

Still thinking alot... Since yesterday, I've been thinking about the things and people that inspired me and made me who I am. Over the next few weeks, I will be adding more pictures of the people and things that have inspired me in the past. I'm hoping that the same things that inspired me then will inspire me again.

I don't live in the past. I acknowledge and respect it.

I will probably post the PSP sized pictures until I get over the initial "WOW" factor.

This is Kyonna in like '98-'99. She was always an inspiration to me because she stood by me thru everything. It wasn't so much what she did, but just her presence, even tho much of the time she was there in secret. Thank you, sweetheart. I hope we get it together. I miss hearing you laugh all the time at stoopid shit.

I live for my music. I can't be classified as a fan. There is a song to match my every mood. I've chosen Hova because I identified with "Reasonable Doubt," it was who I was. It was my life. He also represents where I want to be, I am relearning how to adapt my environment to me in addition to adapting to my environment.  Posted by Hello

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Sin City

Jessica Alba's Sin City Poster

I want to see Sin City this weekend. I'm broke and damn, still hungry. To the right is Jessica Alba, she is off the chain. I think she'd make quite a tasty dish.  All images in this section were posted via Hello by Dramatic

Yawning! About to eat some Honey Nut Cheerios.

No Cheerios, opted for Smart Start instead. This is good. I should have added a banana, would have made it better.

Knight Rider is on SciFi all day. I haven't watched that since I was like twelve (12). I probably will not watch more than the episode that's on. Even more probable, not even, it isn't holding my attention.

     

Haven't slept yet. What gives? Up all night, thinking… About what? Not sure. I’m starving tho… I want my life back…

Regrets

A couple of hours ago, I had what I hope is the last in a series of arguments with my “X,” which have been going on for several months now. We’ve spoken no more than five times in the last 3 months, this is including instant messaging, and every time it turned into an argument or she’d say something that pissed me off and I would just drop it by ending the conversation. She kept saying I was being sensitive. I felt with all the space between us and the length of time that would go by without us communicating we’d have something nice to say to each other. We used to sit on the phone every night talking ‘til we drifted off to dream land or our phones died, some times we even broke day. I know her better than her boyfriends, lovers or whatever you wish to call yourself ever did or will.

I’ve come to the conclusion that she was used to me being the “strong and silent type.” For years we’ve been getting closer and closer, probably more than anyone knows. Whenever something went down, I was there. Whenever she wanted to talk, I was there. The truth is I never really needed to talk about anything. If I did it would be like me thinking about changing jobs or that I wasn’t happy with my son’s environment. Truth is I’ve always been in control of my life. If a situation was unacceptable to me, I was looking for a way out of it or a solution to the problem it posed.

A little while ago, I found myself trapped. I turned to the only friend I had. Like I said earlier, if it was broke, I was working on fixing it. This time I couldn’t, I didn’t know how. I was out of work, broke, hungry… My personal demons were eating me from the inside, out. She turned her back on me. She had her “own problems” and mine were superficial.

I thought I had a friend, I thought wrong. I am, in life, where I was about five (5) years ago… alone. I suppose it’s for the best. If I can’t depend on anyone, I can’t be disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, we still have a special place in each other’s hearts. I know there is, at least, one in mine for her. If I’m hungry she’ll feed me. It isn’t my body I’m worried about, it’s my soul.

Beads of sweat second thoughts on my mind, how can I ease the stress and learn to live with these regrets this time… stress… givin’ this shit up… fuck!

No answers to these trick questions, no time shit stressin’, my life found I got to live for the right now. Time waits for no man, can’t turn back the hands once it’s too late, gotta learn to live with regrets…

You used to hold me, told me that I was the best, anything in this world I want I could possess… All that made me want is all that I could get… In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets…

I guess in the end, no one believes in true, unconditional friendship.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Sony PSP

On Saturday, I bought a Sony PSP. I really couldn't afford it, but I deserved it. Everyone who went out and bought themselves a Nintendo DS, ha haaa, hate me now.

The images below were taken with my Canon PowerShot S60¹ saved at the 16:9 aspect ratio, 480 x 272 px, 4.3 inches². The image quality is the best I've ever seen on a portable game system and probably will remain so for some time to come.

I have the Spiderman 2 UMD and it is beautiful. If it isn't HD DVD quality, I can't tell. I guess it's optimized for the screen size.

I am not, however, impressed by the games that are offered so far. I have Metal Gear Ac!d, a card based version of Metal Gear Solid, I like it... this much... you get the picture.

Me, myself and I... Taken at Coldstone Creamery on 42nd and 8th in Manhattan.

They make it so you can't prevent it. Never give it, you got to take it. I can't fake it, I keep it authentic.

Minimee... My son, my creation in my image, the biggest part of my world.

I can’t explain it when I pick up my son and look at my face.


My little brother, Daivon. This was taken on Easter Sunday for a school function. He has a part to play, for better or for worse.

Delrina, my little sister. She doesn't look anything like me does she? Pictures of her two (2) brats to follow in a later post.

Ti'Lesa, once one of my best friends. We are just opening the lines of communication after a year of not speaking. This picture was taken about 2 years ago.


Devin and Azelia. ooooooooooooooooo, Azelia! I don't know Azelia much at all but there's just something about her. I want to get to know her, if Devin would connect us, I can.  All images in this section were posted via Hello by Dramatic

  1. All the pictures were taken with my PowerShot S60 accept for the picture of Ti'Lesa, which was scanned on an Epson Perfection, and the one of Devin and Azelia was taken with an Olympus Digital Camera.
  2. I measure the screen at 5 x 2.833 inches and approximately 5.75 inches diagonal.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

032405

I love my son, my minimee, my lil' boy. I am proud of him.

Hmmmm, still thinking. I did make some progress though. Some times I get afraid to express myself, because even though I am not afraid I hate rejection.

This is just the beginning. On Monday, the 21st, I had the usual meeting with IGT Marketing. I am normally passive and let the meeting go as it would've if I wasn't part of it. I just listen in and they update me about any projects I may be working on¹ and projects they are trying to secure for me². This meeting was different. I just went at them.

They approved the design contracts that they had previously rejected. This was a big win for me. I have been working with them without a contract for a little less than a year. They were supposed to propose a contract to me in order to codify our working relationship. They are good people and I don't mind how we deal with each other. However, they bring their clients to me. I've done some work, whether it be research or sketches, only to hear that they heard from a friend or a relative that they can get it done cheaper. Honestly, if they can find it cheaper than what I'm offering, then the phrase "You get what you pay for!" applies, and they are finding this to be true. Which is why my quotes are good for only thirty days from the date they are given.

An even tougher sell was Vector over Raster. I used to design or redesign logos in vector format. I prefer vectors to rasters because they are more flexible and whether they are scaled up or down they will always contain the same amount of detail but may not be as detailed as rasters. Raster images, on the other hand, can be photorealistic but if you enlarge the image it will lose quality and detail. My challenge came in getting them to understand the difference between the two (2). I'm not sure they completely understand, but they did notice the quality difference, which is a step in the right direction.

  1. This is is always short because I don't usually have a lot of projects.
  2. More often, but it seems that, sometimes, even though they are working on it, "it" never happens.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

I will...

  • Prepare
  • Plan
  • Hope
  • Think
  • Choose
  • Learn
  • Live
  • Connect
  • Prioritize
  • Succeed
  • Achieve
  • Focus
  • Reach
  • Accomplish
  • Dream
  • Become
  • Change
  • Overcome
  • Pursue
  • Finish
  • Thrive
  • Resolve
  • Laugh
  • Breathe
  • Believe

I've been thinking a lot lately. There is just so much I have in mind to accomplish. I seem to have lost my way, my ambition, my drive, my desire...

I have so many skills, but I lack so many others. Mainly, I lack the very necessary social skills. I've never been very good at Networking or keeping in touch with people. I have so many business cards from people I've met over the months and years even. I'm wondering if I should reach out and try to reconnect.

Then there's the fact that I'm not focused. I know what I want to do. I know what I have to do but I have a problem prioritizing my To Dos.

For the next to weeks I will be trying to tie up all my loose ends, whether it be financial or personal. I need to get to know me again, the me everyone else has come to love and depend on.

One of the things I will be doing is putting up an "In the Meantime" professional site, until I can afford a host. I will also be putting up a personal site, which will serve as test space for client side technologies I've learned or that I am learning. On my list of To Dos is rounding off all the corners with my clients and associates. I've been quiet for too long.