Friday, December 30, 2005

Waking up in the morning?

I need to start in the New Year. For the last week or so I have been doing pretty good. I also want to limit the amount of sleep I get. The more active I become the less sleep I believe I’ll require.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

2005 in review

As my year comes to a close, I’ve decided to just sit back and chill. Ride it out, so to speak.

This year was a failure for me. I feel like I have accomplished nothing, lost everything and felt pains I hope I’ll never feel again.

I lost my job in 2004, which at the time was one of the best things to ever happen to me. In 2005, I found myself hungry and broke. This year, I had all of my material possessions stolen, save for my Powerbook—it was with me. I can’t get a job at this point for reasons out side of my control. The people who I knew to be my friends and had helped in the past turned their backs on me.

2005 also brought into my life M!ckey, who has been my guardian angel every step of the way. So much I owe to her. Her love for me is unconditional. Tazhy came and went. She moved on to newer, more accessible things, like I said she would. It also dropped Stephanie into my lap. Even though she turned out to be a bust—in more ways than one—I am glad to have had that experience.

In all 2005 was a learning experience. I am greatful for that. To all the people who have come into and will remain in my life, thank you and I love you all. I hope 2006 will be better for all of us. To all of you who didn’t have the time or for whom I had no value because I couldn’t do for you… you are probably thinking I am going to say something like “die slow.” I’m not. I hope you find peace, really I do.

All that being said I am going to spend the remaining days of 2005 relaxing and doing whatever I can to prepare for 2006.

Update: Tuesday, December 27, 2005

I came home this morning to find that we had been burglarized again.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Our First Time

The first time my “x” and I made love was the night before Labor Day, or rather that morning, at Parade Grounds on Parkside Ave. We weren’t an item yet, but were overcome by the raw physical passion that became the main staple in our relationship.

We were hidden by the darkness and the cover of the trees. Our faces lighted only by the bolts of lightning that streamed across the black sky.

It seemed as the rain fell harder and the thunder and lightning became more frequent, I pumped harder. Her breathing and mine, in tandem and in rhythm with the rain drops.

After that we seemed to do it everywhere. In the movies, in restaurants, on the way to the store, in the train stations and sneaking into the projects near her school between classes. A few times even laying out a blanket on snow or ice.

We were stopped by the police once.

Hmmm!

I have never been very happy around the holidays. This year looks no different. I was trying, however, to make a conscious effort to be merry this Christmas. Just seemed like M!ck3y and Stephanie were intent on ruining it for me. I'm not going to let them.

I don't really want to get into it but Xmas was always a bad time of the year for me. Going too far back to care anymore. I just seem to still carry all the hurt around.

I started celebrating Christmas when my son was born. I decided that I wasn't going to deprive him of the holiday spirit.

New Years Resolutions

I have decided to use 43 Things to manage my New Year’s resolutions and have invited some friends to meet some of my goals as a team. None of my goals start before January 1, 2006.

I have a few common resolutions in mind. The infamous “Lose Weight” is always a good one. I need to find out how much I weigh first. I want to go down to what at one point seemed my optimal weight of 250lbs, so I’ve set some modest goals to reach that mark and will add as necessary to meet it.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

QotD: Message for Santa

htf xmas, originally uploaded by Dramatic.

Tell Santa I'll be waiting for him on Christmas and that N***a better pay what he owe! -Riley, The Boondocks

Monday, December 19, 2005

Last Night, Stephanie

My summer fling, Stephanie came clean to me about a lot of things last night. It kinda goes back to the subject of duplicity. This comes down to dual identities. I think, before I go any further, you should get acquainted or reacquainted with who she is:

  1. Stephanie
  2. Stephanie, 29 Hours Later
  3. Stephanie Is Done

To abbreviate the whole situation… We started fast and ended even quicker. She was special while I was with her but it turns out we both knew we had a short shelf life.

She decided, one day, that she wasn't what I wanted. Her idea of what I wanted was a short thick, light-skinned, red-headed female, who's heavier on the bottom than on top. She also felt that I wasn't into Haitians, which she is and I am composed of, in part.

She jumped ship and into the awaiting arms of some next dude and got pregnant. Then a few weeks after she found out we started talking again. I can't speak for her but I am just trying to be a friend, like M!ck3y asked me to. Now she's calling me more often than even when we were messing around — towards the end anyway.

She came over one day and curled up on me and fell asleep in my lap. I'm not sure what's going on here. I'm not sure of her intentions. What could it be? Are there regrets? Does she miss me?

I didn't write all of this before, but I asked a few of the people I considered my friends on the web about the situation. Someone on here, 360 actually, told me that she was trying to endear herself to me because she knew when shit got thick, I'd be there for her.

Anyway, we have been speaking lately. We haven't been talking about anything serious, just talking.

She called me the other day with the intention of making me laugh as she said. She read something to me that went "Don't be alarmed if a fat man grabs you and throws you in a bag. It's just Santa Clause. I told him you were what I wanted for Christmas." I was so lost for a moment or two then I laughed it off.

Anyhow last night… Stephanie came clean, about everything she's lied to me about. Among them were her age, now confirmed at 19, her birthday, now in February not July, and her level of education. None of which were major to me. I even understood why. I just couldn't understand why it was difficult to tell me.

Anyway, on a lighter note. Ozzy's cousin seems to be staying with her and OMG she has the fattest ass. I could not keep my eyes off of that thing. Stephanie offered the hook up, but I know I'd just be asking for trouble. What you think?

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Sexual Tidbit

Just a bit of funny stuff.

Yahoo! 360° - SMOOCHIE's Blog - TEE HEE..........:

A rooster and a cat were playing by the pool. the cat fell in and the rooster laughed. The cat said, a wet pussy always makes a cock happy

Thursday, December 15, 2005

My Online Presence

Here's the deal… I am preparing for the New Year and I guess since, like for so many others, the powers that be are determined to break me so I must carve out new paths for myself.

The first part of carving out those paths is my need to generate some sort of cash flow. I am looking towards AdSense for some of it. I am trying to learn how to optimize my blog so that the proper keywords fall into place and the ads are better targeted. Right now I am in the process of adding ads and "referrals" to all of my blogs. If you see something that interests you, please at least check it out.

I have also been invited to write as a guest on my best friend M!ckey's blog. She said she wanted to help by allowing me to post some of the ads and referrals. I have written very briefly on her blog before but I removed myself because I did not want her to be listed as a contributor on her own blog, but I've fixed that problem. Now my presence will only be felt on the posts I make.

This is from my most recent post M!ck3y Mouz: Changes:

All of this is about positive change and looking to the new year. M!ckey is turning up the heat and I have to come out the corner swinging now.

I know it's been a long time since I have turned a negative into a positive. So coming to the close of what is the worst year of my life. I look back and see all that I have accomplished, gone. All I have is my son left. LOL, my son… pray for Daddy.

Back to my online presence… I also am involved in other things on the web. A lot of people are coming here from my profile on Yahoo! 360°. I am also currently one of the top riffrs on Riffs, where I riff on things I like and rant about what I don't. Then there are my two Squidoo pages, where I am also trying to make a few dollars. The first of which is Dramatic Pause, it's an experimental page about me. I want to see how interested people might be in me outside of my blog. The second, which I must develop because it has the most potential, is The Mac Life, which is inspired by and about my love of Macs and things Mac like. I think that's it, aside from Flickr, del.icio.us, BlackPlanet and MiGente, if I forgot anything I will add them as addenda.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

What is my fate?

.::dramatizations: Fate::.:

What is it I see just beyond my reach?
I see my fate!

I used to know what this meant. Now I'm not sure. I had to learn it before. I guess it's time to learn it again.

So much stuff has been weighing me down. I feel like I'm letting the people who believe in me down.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Duplicity

duplicity – deceitfulness; double-dealing.

I am taking some time to clean up and clean out my skeletons. Things haven't been going to well for me. Going to be dealing with a lot for some time to come.

Part of me purging the closet is getting rid of the dead weight I used to call friends. They weren't really friends in the end. When I had and they could benefit they were or I was. When I needed, I got told stuff like "I got my own problems." All I wanted was to borrow an ear, nothing else. That was even too much at times for my pride to allow.

I began by cutting people out my physical sphere. There are still more to get deleted and I am trying to drop the dead weight on all my friends and buddy lists. I am officially withdrawing myself from this blog.

On the mind of Key:

This is my last post here. I can be found at .::dramatizations::.. I just don't understand duplicitous people.

Aside from all of this, I got people talking about me behind my back. They don't even got the heart to say shit to my face. My sister, my son's mother… Why be two-faced about it.

Duplicity is one of my most hated traits in people.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Coldest December

I am stuck in a time of deep reflection. Normally I slip into a deep depression around this time of year. I supposed it isn't a good thing for the demons of the past to collide with the demons of the present. This year, although I have a lot more to be depressed about, it's different. Maybe it's because of my best friend, M!ckey.

This year is the worst year, by far, of my life. M!ckey has been there the whole time to hold my hand. I appreciate her. I know I say it a lot, but it can't be said enough.

I am also very greatful for all the people who have stood by me this year, including my son's mother. I guess the secrets we've shared over the years have served to strengthen our bond. Well here is a short list of some of you guys, in no particular order: Andy and Gina, Devin, Nyika, Natalie S., Mother and Mamite, all of the people who are genuinely concerned and are sincerely trying to be my friend and my son who wants to learn to pray, so that he can pray for me.

Since this is my time of reflection and thought. I may be posting rather brief posts, quickly. I have a lot on my mind and need to organize the clutter.

Additionally, you may have noticed that I have been making some layout changes to my blog(s) and some to M!ckey's as well. I have also been trying to connect all the pieces of my online life, not only for ease of management but to strengthen my presense. There will definitely be more to come on that.

Friday, December 09, 2005

It's Snowing!!!

snow

The kids think they are getting the day off, some adults too. There isn't going to be enough accumulation for all of that. We are going to have about two inches and this is by the time everyone will be getting ready to come back home.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Quote of the Day

The best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else.

Trife People

Too many bitches want to be ladies. So if you a hoe, I'm gonna call you a hoe.
Too many bitches are shady.
Too many ladies give these niggas too many chances.
Too many brothers want to be lovers, don't know what romance is.
Too many bitches stuck up from too many sexual advances.

How can a guy go from one female to her friend? How could that friend let him? I mean it's one thing to maybe fall into something after a prior relationship is over, I have been there, but to actively pursue something minutes after she was forced out of the door is wrong.

Back to the quote above, so few females deserve the the attention they get. They are fucking up good relationships with good men and their friends. Fucking their men's friends and their friend's men. Then they try to play that innocent, "I'm an angel" role.

On the other hand, men, are doing the same. Fucking with little girls, then their friends and basically contaminating the thoughts and emotions of females. Leaving negative impressions on them that they'll carry, probably for life.

I personally, have always been in awe of the situations women put themselves in or allow themselves to remain in.

To each their own. I refuse to align myself with those females. I tired of helping people carry emotional baggage and being their emotional crutch.

I'm disgusted!