The Sunshine...

(written Saturday, January 21, 2006)

I think this goal needs a little bit of clarification. I mean I’ve talked about waking up while the sun is still out. This goal is about me being more productive.

The darkness… Last year wasn’t very productive for me. I did not do much of anything but wait and feel sorry. I can feel the darkness dragging me down. I have made reference to the darkness before. In my life, the darkness wasn’t always bad, but I let it consume me. I let it take away my sunshine. I let it take away who I was.

I was… I let myself become passive. The wait and see thing was never a me thing. I am quiet—I think the term tacit sums up who I am better. My attitude was more “Like it, see it, cop it.” Simply if I wanted it, I’d get it. If I needed money, all I had to do was to facilitate a situation to make some. If I saw that female that made me say “WOW,” I’d make her mine, my friend, my lover, my girl… You get the picture.

The light… I woke up on New Year’s day feeling renewed. I hadn’t felt that good all of last year. It was as tho, daily, I had been losing myself bit by bit, just slipping away. This past week was unproductive for me. It just seemed as tho no matter how right what I was doing was, everything went wrong. Here’s the good thing about this week. The norm had become “Tomorrow is another day,” or “I can do it next week.” That is unacceptable for me now. This week I was ticked because I didn’t get to celebrate any of my little triumphs.

Here’s to personal productivity. Since I didn’t have any little victories this week. Next week I need twice as many. I am not going to overwhelm myself. I am going to take care of all the things I didn’t this week and then other little things that need doing.

For me “Being reborn into the sunshine” is about doing things and being productive.

See more progress on: Be reborn into the sunshine