ER

I just got home from the ER about 2 hours ago. I tried to eat and stuff and tried to settle down a bit. Eating was unsuccessful. I just couldn't down the hero which was quite good. I just started feeling sicker.

My first visit to the emergency room in like 5 years was wild, to say the least. There was like one doctor per shift. One nurse mixed up all of the charts. I met a really cute med student doing intake. She was short, light-skinned, wearing blue scrubs and had a pony tail. She wiped the tears from my eyes and rubbed my cheek. She was convinced she knew me.

I only found out what I had known all along. My stress is manifesting itself as physical illness. The worst of it is my headaches and high blood pressure are back. I haven't had a problem with these since I was 8 or 10.

5.6 lbs

I have lost 5.6 lbs towards this goal. I am so proud of myself. I need to keep it up tho.

I have 4.4 to go within this mark.

See more progress on: Lose 10 pounds

303

As of this morning, I have lost 5.6 lbs. I am hoping to lose about 10 per month for the next 5 months to get to my goal weight of 250 lbs.

Don’t want to lose anymore than that. It just wouldn’t look right or feel right for that matter. You ladies seem to like me cuddly and all, so I will just focus on getting healthier and stronger.

Thank you for the support.

See more progress on: lose 5 pounds

Scratch that...

The person whose situation I thought I had brought some light to. She seems like she is going to fall into the same traps. Forget it. I guess my faith in her was misplaced.

To all the people who feel I have touched their lives or set them on the right path. I thank you. Your faith in me has helped me be a better man too.

See more progress on: impact someone's life, positively

307.2

A minor accomplishment, I know. Let’s shoot for 5 lbs more by next Friday.

See more progress on: lose 5 pounds

Thank You Sooo Much!

Me chatting, originally uploaded by Dramatic. I'm looking at my Powerbook screen, getting some sweet messages from all of y'all.

I wanted to thank you guys today. Y'all made me smile. I was feeling down, because I was a lil' sick. Some of the comments I have been getting are like:

My life is better with you in it, I can say that even though I dont know you, but I like talking to you, and always look forward to hearing from you.

I dont think you need to lose weight either...

National Body Challenge

This is no real measure, but I can no longer wear my jeans without a belt. I might have passed this goal but I will not mark it off until my next weigh in.

This past weekend I joined the National Body Challenge. I might not be able to follow the meal plans because my eating habits are closely related to my schedule. I will take advantage of whatever else they have to offer there.

See more progress on: lose 5 pounds

LOL, Creating confusion?

I recently learned that the best way to get by is to show my strengths when I am most helpless and to act helpless when I am at my strongest.

This time around I can’t let them know that I know or let them know that I’m doing something. It benefits me for them to think I’m lazy and that I don’t want to do anything. At least for the time being.

Fate

Achieve tranquility through movement.
Integrate spirit and flesh.
From strength learn gentleness.
Through gentleness, strength will prevail.

See more progress on: confuse the right people

Ick, This Week

I had a couple of setbacks on this goal as well this week. I have been eating food non-conducive to my weight loss plan. I had an albeit grilled double cheeseburger and cheese fries and on another day I had a “Crispy Chicken Club” with fries from McDonald’s and some fried chicken wings at my brother’s birthday get together. This I think is related to my slowdown.

I have been really tired this week. I slept all day (today is Saturday, January 21, 2006). I guess since I didn’t wake with a headache, my body needed the sleep. I can say, however, that on the day I had the cheeseburger and fries it was all I had that day.

Subway is becoming my best friend. It’s filling and cheap with the calories and pretty easy on the pockets.

I am hoping to get weighed again tomorrow or Monday. I could be wrong but I still feel like I’m losing. My clothes just feel baggier and I feel a little healthier. Aside from being so tired, when I’m up, I’m up.

See more progress on: lose 5 pounds

The Sunshine...

(written Saturday, January 21, 2006)

I think this goal needs a little bit of clarification. I mean I’ve talked about waking up while the sun is still out. This goal is about me being more productive.

The darkness… Last year wasn’t very productive for me. I did not do much of anything but wait and feel sorry. I can feel the darkness dragging me down. I have made reference to the darkness before. In my life, the darkness wasn’t always bad, but I let it consume me. I let it take away my sunshine. I let it take away who I was.

I was… I let myself become passive. The wait and see thing was never a me thing. I am quiet—I think the term tacit sums up who I am better. My attitude was more “Like it, see it, cop it.” Simply if I wanted it, I’d get it. If I needed money, all I had to do was to facilitate a situation to make some. If I saw that female that made me say “WOW,” I’d make her mine, my friend, my lover, my girl… You get the picture.

The light… I woke up on New Year’s day feeling renewed. I hadn’t felt that good all of last year. It was as tho, daily, I had been losing myself bit by bit, just slipping away. This past week was unproductive for me. It just seemed as tho no matter how right what I was doing was, everything went wrong. Here’s the good thing about this week. The norm had become “Tomorrow is another day,” or “I can do it next week.” That is unacceptable for me now. This week I was ticked because I didn’t get to celebrate any of my little triumphs.

Here’s to personal productivity. Since I didn’t have any little victories this week. Next week I need twice as many. I am not going to overwhelm myself. I am going to take care of all the things I didn’t this week and then other little things that need doing.

For me “Being reborn into the sunshine” is about doing things and being productive.

See more progress on: Be reborn into the sunshine

Barry's Birthday

First off, I don't like Barry. He's an asshole. He's M!ckey's older brother and my brother's best friend. Today is his 18th birthday. He hits her, teases her... I get so mad sometimes, I can protect her on the streets but I can't protect her from family.

I think he's beneath my brother. He has one of those duplicitous personalities I have blogged about previously. He plays friend, then tries to hit on his girlfriends. Sometimes I wonder if my brother's an idiot or could it be that he's just letting him dig a ditch.

Anyway, my youngest brother who is also friends with him, I guess, was just uninvited to his birthday dinner. If I was Darrell, I would have been like fuck this shit, I'm out. He stayed and is letting his little brother come home alone. As a brother it's bad form. You don't let anything come between y'all.

Today...

...My most unproductive day so far this year. I don’t intend to have too many of these.

The day started at 9:55am, I had an appointment at 10. I still went and was turned away. I tried to reschedule while I was there but the Coordinator was unavailable. Tried calling until the close of business, still no dice.

I do have another appointment tomorrow evening tho. This is, potentially, a huge opportunity for me. Cross your fingers.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

See more progress on: Be reborn into the sunshine

Feels like...

I am losing weight, I think. My clothes are consistently getting looser.

Today wasn’t just bad for me productively, but also I had McDonald’s and I don’t mean a salad and some fried chicken. Minor setback.

See more progress on: lose 5 pounds

360º

Yahoo! 360° - MissDumplin's Profile:

The dreams, aspirations, determination and drive of those before us allow us to live as we do today.

Ok, I have been having a lot of fun on 360º these days. I've even found someone on there who makes my heart skip beats. Found some pleasant conversation, people who are interested in my story and people who need for me to hear theirs.

One in particular, is very special to me. We talk nearly everyday. She has been posting our conversations lately. It's nice that I'm making her think about things. She's really sweet or that's all she's showing me, even tho she maintains it ain't all gravy. In all she makes my days easier to deal with.

There are still the air heads. Air heads are just that. Can't say too much about them.

There are those who just want to add you to build their list. Personally, I don't see the point in having eleventy billion or in the case of Yahoo! 360º, 250 people on your list. Who talks to that many people. Like that "special friend" said, she had seven people on at the time and she was talking to me. Flattered, that I am.

Update: Monday, January 16, 2006

I realized my post wasn't uploaded in it's entirety. I was talking about the people who show their tits asses to get friend and those who will only add people who do it. If you ain't got a brain to back up the beauty, boobies and the booty, you ain't saying shit and yes you count as a Bubble head.

Some of you have been coming here, to my blog. If you are going to leave a comment, don't leave it "Anonymous." You can leave your first name or your 360º name and I will address it accordingly. Your 360º page can be the web page.

By the way, no homo... guys are welcome as friends too. I need to balance my friend list. I am also interested in making friends in the NYC area.

Satan's Crafty Minion

Long Walk Home, originally uploaded by Dramatic. Walking home on Friday the 13th. I was so happy to be getting home and so happy to be playing with my new camera.

Yahoo! 360º - Dramatic's Profile

Today, on 360º, I asked my friends and guests to let me know who they think should be removed from my friends list. I suppose this is the next step from asking them to remove themselves or let me know to remove them. I halved my list in that way. It is really interesting to see the comments I'm getting and who you guys think I should remove. Keep 'em coming!

Update: Monday, January 16, 2006

To be a little more concise... It's more about who you'd remove, not me.

Friday the 13th

Who's superstitious? I am part Haitian and I'm not the least bit superstitious. I love black cats. If a ladder is in my way and I have no easy way around it, I will walk under it. Spilling salt? Who doesn't? Splitting poles, well if it will allow me to get to my destination faster... Why not?

A couple of my favorites are:

• Don't buy a woman underwear, she'll be sleeping with someone else in them.

Well if she's going to sleep with somebody else she gonna do it anyway.

• Don't buy a woman shoes, she'll walk away from you in them.

Appears we are never saying anything they want to hear, so they walk away from us. This cannot be avoided. I dunno, most of mine end up coming back.

What are your superstitions?

By the way, I had a very nice day!

A Fond Memory

After careful thought, I have decided not to detail the events of the night that I spent with Cynthia. Some people are telling me I left them hanging. Honestly, Cyn isn't worth further mention. So this should be the last time. That night was just a fond memory.

Which brings me to another memory. This time it's about Destiny.

The first time Destiny and I really went at it was a rainy night in the spring of 2002. It was May 31st to be exact. Now anyone who knew Destiny and I could tell you that up until that point we were pretty cold. Just wasn't popping like that. We had issues, both within our selves and during the time we were talking, we both were carrying on external relationships.

We went thru about three weeks of not speaking and on April 18th she decided that she only wanted me. She made me promise that I wouldn't retaliate for the things she had put me thru prior and when we parted that morning she was all clingy and in tears. Between that night and the night in May we tried several times to make things happen, but we were never able to complete the deal.

She went to New Jersey the third week in May and came back on the night of the 31st. She came straight to Brooklyn and when she got out of the train station it was pouring. There was a huge thunderstorm this night. She borrowed someone's cell phone to call me. She couldn't figure out which direction to walk to my building. I threw on my Nike windbreaker and walked up the block to the bus stop where she had found shelter. My jacket blowing in the wind. I got her and held her at the waist as we walked under the umbrella home.

She was wearing this champagne colored floral skirt and a nude blouse that was all wet. You could see her nipples thru her top and her booty length hair was curly from the rain. She had on those Steve Madden Wedges that went clack, clack, clack when she walked. When we got upstairs we sat and talked for a minute. I noticed she was uncharacteristically into me on this night. She wanted me to know she got all dressed up for me.

So we are laying in bed, talking and laughing as usual. We were always doing that. So then she moves my hand onto her breast and turns her head the other way so I don't see her blush. I'm laying there acting like I don't know what's going on. Then she turned back real fast to kiss me. Rubbing her Double Ds and rolling her nipples in my fingers seemed to excite her more and more, she was breathing hard and hissing. When I began to move my hand lower she began to writhe. My fingers had been inside her for no more than thirty seconds before she whispered "I want you to fuck me." I ignored her and continued with what I had been doing. Within the next thirty seconds she had pulled me on top of her and demanded "Fuck me, NOW!"

She began to tear off my favorite t-shirt, all the while biting and scratching me. She smacked me and this time screamed "FUCK ME!" This turned me on sooo fucking much. I began to fumble with her bra tearing it in the process.

As I slid home, I let off a sigh of pleasure gripping her nipple between my teeth. She bit harder into my chest and dug her nails deeper into my back. She only let up to shout "FUCK ME HARDER," "DON'T STOP UNTIL I SAY YOU CAN!"

After we finished, we laid there and fell asleep holding each other.

One.org

One.org was born of Live 8 which was phenomenally successful last summer. This is what we helped make the the leaders of the 8 most powerful countries commit to:

• $50 billion more a year in international assistance per year by 2010
• AIDS drugs to all those who need it, and care for all AIDS orphans
• primary schools for ALL children by 2015
• a commitment to protect 85% of vulnerable Africans against malaria
• big investments in peacekeeping and fighting corruption
• debt cancellation for 18 of the world's poorest countries

There is so much more needed to be done to help alleviate the toll that global AIDS and poverty is taking on the people of our planet.

The next step is to give the world's poorest people the opportunity to earn a living and create their own wealth.

At the upcoming world trade talks in Hong Kong world leaders need to hear that we all want them to do the right thing because at the moment these talks aren't going very well. Just as America grew strong and healthy by trading, together as ONE we must ensure that Africa is allowed the opportunity to prosper.

Americans must give these leaders permission to invest just a fraction more of the budget in what we know works, from $5 mosquito nets to drug treatments that cost pennies apiece.

Beating AIDS and extreme, stupid poverty, this is our moon shot. This is our generation's civil rights struggle, our anti-apartheid movement. This is what the history books will remember our generation for — or blame us for, if we fail. We can't afford to fail nor will we.

Already the money generated by Live 8 is doing good.

Over the next few weeks Bush will be making important decisions concerning next year's budget, including how America will address the issues covered in this post. Ask the U.S. to give an additional 1% of our budget over the next 5 years to help keep the promises made at the G8 Summits last year. By contributing "1 more penny" from every dollar we can prevent millions of children from becoming AIDS orphans and see that millions more are educted.

Join the ONE Campaign, sign a letter today asking President Bush to keep his promise.

Weigh Day

Ok, I finally got weighed today. I am 308.6 lbs. I am down from 335 over last summer.

Anyhow, had around 1200 calories today. I had another Grilled Chicken Caesar salad and a foot-long “Savory Turkey and Ham” on Hearty Italian with swiss cheese with lettuce, tomatoes and mayo. I drank my 64 oz of water today and I am having a bit of diet coke.

I started Triple Cleanse today. I know it it helps a little, could be up to 25 lbs stuck up in there or so they say. I know for sure I felt better last year when I started it.

See more progress on: lose 5 pounds

Smiling

I guess being “reborn into the sunshine” meant a little more than just waking up early in the morning. For me it kinda meant shedding my darker withdrawn self.

I am usually quiet and reserved. I try to disappear into the background, no matter where I am or what I’m doing.

Today, I am happy to say, I am happy. I am up front. I am being more open and I guess less humble.

I just need to tone it down a bit. I am too nice right now. Been complimenting women all over the place. I mean it’s all like true, but it’s too much I realize. There is a such thing as too sweet.

See more progress on: Be reborn into the sunshine