I arrived yesterday. I haven’t done much yet, but I am having a great time. Went out to eat a couple of times. My friend is a busy girl. Today we will do more. Expecting to visit German Village at some point today.
Briefly…
Went here on March 16th. It’s a beautiful little place with mirrored walls and a candle light at every table. Everyone’s smiling… Seemed as though we were silently invited to come in and get comfortable, like family.
I arrived, a bit earlier than the rest of my party, to find several people at the bar and people just sitting and enjoying the atmosphere. I found out later that one of the people at the bar was “Melba,” the owner of this lovely little establishment and Sylvia’s daughter. Aside from the coat check lady, the young woman who had been bartending came to greet me at the door, followed shortly by the waitress.
As I sat, I was able to look around and take in the warmth. I made a few calls and mused that this might be just the spot to share a moment with a special someone. Oh no! The little dancing flame went out on my table, Melba immediately noticed took care of it herself.
Fast forward…
We ordered… The food wasn’t quite what I was looking for. I can’t really rag on it, it just wasn’t what I was looking for. I wanted it to be like my Grandmother’s cooking. Overall it wasn’t bad, not at all, actually. The Buffalo wings were as could be expected. The Buttermilk Fried Chicken was well done, well seasoned and cooked to perfection. The “Tres Mac and Cheese,” wasn’t my deal at all. I think it was the pepperjack cheese that killed it for me. I just wish the menu could have been a bit more diverse.
I noticed, also, that Melba remembered faces. She was greeting her return visitors with a kiss and a hug. Not just people that have been there many times, but even a group that had been there just once before. I also noticed that it may be common for people just to stop in to say hi.
Overall I had a great experience and I will definitely go back the first chance I get. Warm, cozy, like home should be.
Just a week ago I was being reassured and admonished for being negative about the situation. Today I feel like I don't exist to her. Go figure huh.
I put my heart into too much of what I do. There are a couple of people interested in me. One is completely unavailable, she's a good mom (very sexy). The other has these really nasty episodes. One day she misses me, wants to hear my voice and the next she is not in the mood
for me.
For a little while there was a third. She just stole the show. She was completely available. She was as excited if not more to hear from me, then this week, it all came to an end. Even though I told her it would. She tried to convince me it wasn't so.
The funny thing is, they will all read this at some point or other, but the one thing I am sure of is that they all respect my honesty.
A fourth person from a not too distant past, who likely still reads my blog — Hi, lady with the pretty eyes, once told me that I love hard. I think I do. Too hard!
Now where do I stand. I am a little hurt, by all meantioned above. I am mostly hurt by myself. I know I am not meant for certain things, but I still remain open to them. I don't know why. I just do. When you invest in someone, no matter how much or little, you lose something everytime there is no return on that investment.
I am smirking. Let's see what happens now. The two remaining ladies are very special as well. What will they do with the new information. The third is still very special as well but… it is what it is.
Here I am, just a man. Feeling pain gives me life. Relieving yours is my plan. I'd do anything just to see through your eyes... just to see through your eyes...
OK, this is going to be long, so I have to break it up into pieces. It's been a great year. Started off quite rocky though.
Maybe it might not be as long as I thought. I will attempt to resist the urge to ramble.
I started the year alone, with no job and no hope. I was conned at the beginning of the year to the tune of about 12G, which I am in the process of paying off now. I applied for "Welfare" in January — Call it what you want, Welfare is still Welfare, the thought of it still makes me physically sick.
I met some people, some people came back into my life, some left temporarily, some for good… BYE! Can you see me waving? Some of you preach friendship but really, you're just full of shit.
Love, yeah, I am a big loser there. Am I? Life's not over. This one or that one might be feeling me but no one is stepping up. The one who I know is feeling me, flat out doesn't want to be with me. I have been alone for a long time. There is still hope though.
During the latter half of 2006, I managed to pay off about 43% of my 30G debt.
This year my little boy has made me very proud. Not just because he is a good child, but also because I was blessed with a glimpse of the man he is going to become.
I am presently employed. My scope is broad. I have my sights set on BIG things in the coming year.
See, that wasn't so bad. I figured why trouble you with all the gory details of me getting my ass kicked. I did enough venting throughout the year.
I have two maxims to live by this year... "Closed mouths don't get fed" and "don't talk about it, be about it."
Yahoo! Answers - How do you set up SprintPCS mail on a Pocket PC?
I am trying to help a couple of friends set up their SprintPCS mail on their Pocket PC phones. One is using a Palm Treo 700wx and the other is using a Sprint PCS VisionSM Smart Device PPC-6700. The information I have found on the web: pop.sprintpcs.com, smtp.sprintpcs.com, and imap.sprintpcs.com don't seem to be working.
This morning after work I went to my son's Prep For Prep meeting. He was in his Junior Achievement session. Two completely different things.
Within Prep for Prep he has the opportunity to sharpen and build his skills. For the next two years, he will be prepped for his future and to exceed standards on every level. As most of you already know. He is already "gifted and talented." He would be taking on the Prep for Prep curriculum on in addition to his already advanced coursework. During the course of the program he will also have opportunities for trips to various parts of the country, both educational and recreational, and also chances to study abroad. He wants to go to France and England. He would be giving up 7 weeks of his summer for the next 2 years and go to sessions on Wednesdays after school and Saturdays. In all this is a huge opportunity for him.
I wish I had the opportunity to take part in something like this when I was his age. I will not force it on him, however. He has to make the choice to invest himself in program and take advantage of all of the opportunities we are trying to open up.
I woke up after my nap to a voicemail from his teacher. She wanted to tell me what a pleasure it is to work with him, how hard he is working and how proud I should be of him. Proud… understatment! I called her back a little while ago and she recognized my voice immediately. She went on to say that he is a great mathematician, an artist and a brilliant story teller.
Ok, I am still not into Anonymous comments. I do however want to answer sometimes.
.::dramatizations: Slipping Into a Former Life::.:
Anonymous said...
No man can judge for another but each man must weigh all facts and circumstances and find truth to his own judgment of righteousness------if you know that why does it always feel like you are judging someone... Assumption is a form of judgement. and you are always assuming what someone is doing with their time or assuming that you know why someone isnt always hanging around you or calling. Life happens to the best of us.
I don't assume what people do with their time, but it's a fact if every day of every day of every week of every month… you have a reason. Your reasons are excuses. So I have another quote for you: Your actions speak louder than your words.
Therefore I am not making assumptions, I am making observations. When I do make an assumption, feel free to point out that I made an ass of myself.
Waking up this morning, reflecting on the events of last night which kicked off my day. The year plus stint has come to an end. This wasn't the way I imagined it or the way I wanted it. Little ill kept spot with hourly rates. The room was clean tho, at least as far as the eye could tell.
Her. she was a carry over from a past incarnation of me in this lifetime. One of the best parts of then. Lately we had been talking about what we meant to each other and why we didn't stay together all those years ago. We were different people then, both trying to find our own paths, paths that would bring us to the people we are today. Our worlds are still so far apart. The window for us to be together has long passed. It just wasn't meant to be.
It never ceases to amaze me how she always get all dolled up for our late night meetings. Since we parted she gained a lot of weight, approximately a third of herself, and lost most if not all of it. Now she is about the size she was during the time we kept company. Her jeans fit so beautifully, had to ask her to twirl around for me. I used the same gesture from our first encounter, my down pointed finger drawing a little circle in the air. We laughed about how she's permanently branded with something from a moment we shared. No one else will ever hear about it. It's our secret.
I tried to wait for the person I wanted to be with but it seems that I will fall into one of two roles in a woman's life right now, with that of the emotional crutch or as some might call the "honorary boyfriend" or the "cut buddy." In any event it's I am there to patch up the broken parts of someone's life, not to be a part of it. I had the opportunity to be with someone who really wanted me, all of me. We didn't care and never have about what was going on outside of us. We were and always have just been there for each other.
I hope when you read this you understand that I am in between houses and need to find a home. If it isn't with you, I am sorry. It's our loss. I know how special you are. I know I could make you happy if you'd just let me. I am tired of fighting though. Tired of fighting my nature. Tired of fighting for a love that's never going to love me.
Love is a choice. I make the choice to love you, whether consciously or unconsciously. Conversely, I will make the decision to not love you. My love is simply the conclusion I came to after assessing who you are, who you were and who you are trying to be. If I feel that you do not realize the value of what's being gifted to you I will likely make the choice that you aren't worthy of my it and take it away.
Love for me is an action. Not physical, necessarily.
All that being said, a new friend put me on to this quote in the Bible:
Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud, doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
Thank you Stacey. Prior to falling in love
and dealing with so much crap and then realizing that I am completely responsible for what was going on with me this what I held to be true:
'It shall be fickle, false and full of fraud,
Bud and be blasted in a breathing-while;
The bottom poison, and the top o'erstraw'd
With sweets that shall the truest sight beguile:
The strongest body shall it make most weak,
Strike the wise dumb and teach the fool to speak.'It shall be sparing and too full of riot,
Teaching decrepit age to tread the measures;
The staring ruffian shall it keep in quiet,
Pluck down the rich, enrich the poor with treasures;
It shall be raging-mad and silly-mild,
Make the young old, the old become a child.'It shall suspect where is no cause of fear;
It shall not fear where it should most mistrust;
It shall be merciful and too severe,
And most deceiving when it seems most just;
Perverse it shall be where it shows most toward,
Put fear to valour, courage to the coward.'It shall be cause of war and dire events,
And set dissension 'twixt the son and sire;
Subject and servile to all discontents,
As dry combustious matter is to fire:
Sith in his prime Death doth my love destroy,
They that love best their loves shall not enjoy.'
While a lot of times love does contradict itself by nature, it doesn't have to. I have come clean recently and told a lot of people what I really think of them and some I love you.
My love is not to be taken lightly. I love for the sake of love and all that I hold dear and true.
Women who know what they want will almost never know it when it's in front of them. It seems to always escape their grasp and they continue to long for it. We who will escape into obscurity do and will always continue to loved y'all anyway.
In this week of thanks, I will be dropping in every once in a while to say what I am thankful for.
I wanted to thank you, [Name withheld until later, just so we can square things off], for walking back into my life late last night and making all the things that were blurry, clear again. The connection we share is undeniable.
I have changed a lot, but know that I will never treat you any different.
.::dramatizations: 8 FILMS TO DIE FOR - AFTER DARK HORRORFEST::.:
I think you are a great writer. Keep it up, you are an inspiring person.
First off I would like to thank you for your comment. I sincerely appreciate it.
Everyone please use your first name or your screen name. Makes it easier to address you. Besides, I want to know who my friends and enemies are. Makes it easier to have your back or step over you respectively.
8 FILMS TO DIE FOR - AFTER DARK HORRORFEST:
I am going this weekend. I am going to be in the movies all weekend by myself, like I used to. All 8 movies, I am not interested in Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horrors. I can't wait! I might tell what the movies are like as I see them or at least give a run down when it's all over.
I think keeping to myself this weekend is just what I need to clear my head. Then I am going to have a couple of shots of Hennessy to take the edge off. Sound like a plan.
Drink responsibly!
Warning: I am just going to write from the heart, exactly as I would say it if I were speaking to you.
All the things I say, so much more I would like to, but there aren't words for everything. I started my day... My day started off right. Very nice. Even tho yesterday I slept through my alarm, I woke up in time to get to work on time and had time to relax in the shower, didn't have to rush or anything. While I was on the way to work called a friend and apologized for not calling her the day before, told her that I had been trying to reach her since 6:30 a.m. Then much to my surprise another friend called, we kinda just reconnected and all of that. Had a very pleasant but brief conversation, her phone was dying so the convo ended as I sat down to work.
Clocked in. Went to the front for some work, not much there. Did a minor QC, made my notes. Went back to the front. Told to go see Mary, had some logos to be traced. OMG, an easy night, not that I mind working. The whole graphics thing is just in my element. I am experiencing a bit of creativity block so I am not creating as much. I have ideas but can't seem to bring them to life. Tracing, tracing, tracing all night... which essentially means I was just fucking around. For me tracing logos, especially since I don't really know Corel is like playing for me. I am in it for the experience. Finding new things and new ways of doing old things. I fuckin' love that shit.
Listening to my shuffle. Laughing at how it seems toplay all the music relevant to my life right now. Had chicken parm from that accursed place with pasta. It always give me gas. I was, however, famished, starving, whatever. I was also laughing at how all day yesterday, people been telling me that I don't sound like I look. People who have known me for a while. The most amusing comment was that I look all ghetto but talk proper. I was also laughing about how Sherita, Ms. Writer Chick, says "talk." She has a very unique accent. I did not speak to her last night tho.
About a quarter to 7, I started bothering Octavia. I so adore her. No matter how mean she is trying to be, she makes me laugh. She always smiles when she is about to start trouble. I used to sit behind her so we used to bother each other all the time. Sat down and messed with Willie via inter-office chat. I was actually bothering everyone once I set to go on break. I been holding my breaks until the very end. Not sure why, I just been doing so.
My mother talks too much, making me sick right now.
Off subject. I come home about 15 minutes early to do my normal after work ritual and change clothes to rush off to Lil's school. My Minimee is going to Junior High School. Looking at schools for the gifted kids... Proud father am I. While I was on the train I realized that, by looking at the paper, flier again that it's not today. It's not until next month. Come home. Not quite relieved, not getting to sleep early. I am going to run out to see if I can buy my Tickets for Horrorfest this weekend.
Well I am not feeling to hot. I am wondering if loving someone is worth it at this point. To me, one person in particular is worth it, even tho I know she may never feel like I do. I am a fad to most women. They seem to be fascinated with me for a very brief period of time then poof, almost as tho I don't exist anymore. I feel like I had my one shot at love and I let it go. What it took to get to that choice is a sad story in it self. Natasha, will say, even swear that Destiny loved me. I am not so sure. I think I love someone else now. I will not tell her. She doesn't seem to be "feeling" me any more. I mean, I am being ambiguous on purpose, "feeling" me can be any number of people. I don't feel people like that. When I do I tend to seek their attention. Not getting it. Feeling like there's something wrong.
Mr. Pieca Wood a.k.a. Tazhy's Pet, originally uploaded by Dramatic. It's an inside joke. It was given to me during a really hard time for me from a really rough time in her life. It was kinda a symbol that to her, I was bigger than anything she was going through. It was a transfer of love and positive energy.
Only 2 other people know what this is about. I wish many times that things could go back to the way it used to be.
I want you to know that even though we aren't close anymore and things happen. I still love you and will never forget what you mean to me. Happy Birthday!
You are seriously one of the people that get more beautiful every year. When I met you, you were little more than a rough uncut little girl. Now what a lovely fuckin' lady you've become. Happy Birthday again Princess!
Congratulations Dane on a job well done. She gave birth to a baby boy Saturday, November 4th. He weight 7 lb. 14 oz. Hopefully soon more information and pictures as they become available.
Amber gave birth to a 10 lb. 5 oz., 20 inch baby girl, Azrie Renee. Azrie was born on Sunday, November fifth at 3:15pm. Amber was in labor for several days.
