tech nightmares: customer service

everyone's customer service sucks at least sometimes. then they go and make it worse by moving tech support and customer service to like india.

tech support

tech nightmares: customer service - cnet reviews

windows xp sp2

tech nightmares: windows xp sp2 - cnet reviews

family

alex, chris, daivon, darrell, delrina, deon (minime), dominique, geo, kyonna, lakish, taniesa

woke up this morning...

i haven't been up in the morning for a while, and if i did i went back to sleep soon after that. sleep has become my remedy for boredom — i've been bored a lot lately. i did go to sleep after a while.

the important thing is i was up to get an email from an old friend and reconnect with her. her name is erika. she became very important to me in my kinko's days. i mean she's the sweetest lady when she wants to be. long brown hair, her eyes twinkled and a smile that could melt butter — when she decides to smile anyway.

she would sometimes bring me lunch because i would waive my half hour break everyday. she even called corporate on my behalf because i wouldn't. i miss her. her smile used to make my evenings bearable.

now we've reconnected, i hope. it seems we have a problem keeping in touch.

anyway she's the founder of vision quest and very special to me.

memory lane

the women of my life... destiny, my first love. kyonna (key), my x and best friend. lakish, my son's "mommy.

now that we're here, it's so far away... all the struggle we thought was in vain all the mistakes, one life contained, they all finally start to go away... now that we're here, its so far away... and i feel like i can face the day, i can forgive and i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today

destiny was everything, next to my son of course. i met her when i was 24 and fell in love instantly, for the first time. we went thru 2 years of madness and got engaged. she left me to find her own way. she said she felt she needed to prove that she could make it without me and that either way, she'd come back to me.

my soulmate, key, is here, has been there and says she will always be there. i'm not sure if you only get one soulmate, but if there is a such thing, she'd be it. our relationship is special and unique.

what can i say about my son's mother? check the previous post, babymommadrama. we've had and have our differences. truth is she was my first serious relationship. even if i found out she wasn't what i wanted, she was the one that helped me realize that. she has a soft spot for me.

for the few reasons mentioned above and many more i love y'all.

want me?

i was just told by the person that usually wants me the most that she doesn't want me anymore. i feinted an advance and she shot me down. it wasn't real but it bothered me nonetheless, just a little bit though. it's not that serious, nothing is that serious anymore.

babymommadrama

hmmmmm, my son's mother. what can i say.

sometimes i can't stand her. once upon a time i couldn't stand her, this isn't the case of late. i am quite happy with her. we are civil to each other. we are getting along. dare i say even work together sometimes.

no jealousy, no animosity, no hate what so ever. i don't know how long it will last. i'm still used to fighting all the time. we even met each other at open school. we were in court as plaintiff and respondent, but we were there together. aside from her getting mad at minor shit, we did not speak ill of each other.

i am writing this entry because i want her to know that i'm ok with us being friends, for as long as that lasts. here's a poem she wrote. i'm posting it as is.

I am a flower that blooms in the spring breeze, so pleased to be at peace, BULL SHIT PLEASE. How can I be at ease knowing I'm living in times like these? So repressed, depressed, real stressed, to go through with this test, same mess none the lest, nature knows best. If you ask me I'm a flower swiveled in the mud, rundown to the ground. Some one has stolen my summer crown. Beat down to a pulp ill be, pretty flower, PLEASE. Every petal represents my struggle in each segment one petal hits the pavement. You think I'm kidding about the pretty flower I be, prematurely ruined ill be, pretty flower, that's me. Pretty flower that starts like a seed and the way I formed my leaves for security, it didn't help much, now look at me pretty flower ruined that's me.(sic)

you are always talking about how i don't mention you. you never gave me a reason to. now you have.

:.:.slave to the metal.:.:

i don't know how many of you watch fuse, for me it's what mtv used to be, all music all the time. if it's not videos, it's a concert, if not a concert, a group, band, or some sort of person involved with music is being interviewed.

some of you, even my closer friends (what few i have), may not know that aside from the usual hip hop and r&b i am into rock music and some metal. slipknot, korn, linkin park, marilyn manson to name a few of the acts i listen to. i mean why not. we are exposed to it in video games. anyone who's a fan of the wwe can't say they weren't into "beautiful people" by marilyn manson when it was the theme song on smackdown not to mention the cross over appeal it has in hip hop today, namely the "collision course" collaboration of jigga and lp.

i was first put on by my x fiancé, destiny, now i'm more into it than she is. i am not as knowledgeable as i would like to be on the genre, however.

back to fuse. i happened on fuse entirely by accident. i heard about it before, but i was never a fan of music television. well, i had my moments. i can remember when mtv and bet for that matter were mostly music. anyway, i just happen to turn to the channel while "uranium" was on. all i could say was "wow, who's that?" it was :.:.juliya.:.:. i had to find out more. my first stop was after fuse.tv was juliya's playboy interview. then i ran into her personal page which, if you are following the links, you've already been to.

juliya has a new advice show which will be airing friday, january 21 at 8:30 pm et on fuse aptly titled slave to the metal. i don't remember where or when i signed up for a mailing list but here's the email i received about the show:

It's Juliya from Fuse TV/Uranium! I'm starting a new advice TV show called Slave to the Metal that begins taping tomorrow and I want you to be a part of it. I will be dishing out my own special brand of advice to those brave enough to ask on Slave To The Metal. Real questions from real people: real answers to real problems. Anything from music, body piercings and tattoos to boyfriend girlfriend problems, secrets waiting to be revealed or hidden and, of course, how and when you became a Slave to the Metal. I am here to listen and help. You ask, I answer. Make sure to include your phone number on your e-mail for the chance to ask me your question LIVE! address: slavetothemetal@fuse.tv XOXO Juliya Slave to the Metal

on the mind of key: january 11, 11:53 p.m

on the mind of key: january 11, 2005 11:53 p.m

this post was an answer to the idk post. i looked at it from her point of view and i apologized. i can admit when i'm wrong.

idk

this post was triggered but isn't directed toward anyone person.

i don'nt know what's up these days. i've been heavily depressed for about four months now. i must have a different view of what a friend is, because the few i thought i had have evaporated throughout 2004.

i'm not used to my life being like this, i don't want to get used to it. i'm not used to being broke. i'm not used to not being able to do for myself. i'm not used to feeling helpless.

my "friend" says she doesn't want to deal with me being depressed all the time. fact is, whenever, no matter how i felt about what she was going thru, i was still there — i still listened. i get:

"now you can say our friendship is going downhill and it's all your fault... do you need a pad?"

my question, to myself, is how does someone who is not suicidal deal with thoughts of suicide? i mean i'm not gonna kill myself. that's for damn sure. it doesn't mean i don't wonder if the world would be better without me.

see, i'm used to being hated. hated because i'm doing well. hated because someone thinks i think i'm better than them, or is it just that you think i'm better.

it's like i'm turning 18 all over again and realizing i'm not invincible. when i turned 18, i thought i was ready for everything and found that i was ready for nothing.

i'm gonna have to deal with stuff how i know best. i'm going to close my eyes, bite my lip and draw all my pain and anger inside. going to pull back, keep things to myself.

me on the real: keep up with me

me on the real: keep up with me

i never knew she was a poet, this is my favorite... so far. i've known keesha for about 5 years. i met her on aim and we clicked. while we were never really close, i think, thought, will always, that she's waaaaay cool. keesha is a great judge of people. she linked me to a couple of friends over the years.

the 1^st was hazel, a lil' puerto rican cutie from brooklyn. i met her in late autumn, just as it was starting to get cold. her hair was straight and covering her ears. she had on a little black scully and black peacoat. her cheeks and nose were red with the chill of the autumn breeze.

we met in the brooklyn public library at grand army plaza and walked along the west side of prospect park from the library to the tennis courts and along the parade grounds on parkside avenue.

we met a few times and just walked around. sometimes we went to a coffee lounge in park slope and talked for hours about nothing. it went a little deeper, but not much.

the 2^nd is nia. i wish i could say i knew a lot more about her. i just met her. keesha made the introduction on yahoo!. nia is living out of state now, boston, i believe. i like what i know so far. she's sort of mysterious, but she's sweet and intelligent. even tho it's just on the web right now, when we speak, she holds my attention. i look forward to meeting her in person, when she moves back to bk. i'm lloking forward to hearing her read her poetry. i just looking forward to a long fruitful friendship.

who knows she may be the one to get me to start writing my own poetry again, the last time i wrote was at brookdale, while my son was being delivered into the world. he will be 9 on february 15^th.

anyhow, it always seems that keesha pops up when i need someone to talk to. and when ever she exits, she never leaves me alone. she always finds someone for me to talk to until she gets back. for that i am thankful i met her.

azuredreams: friends

azuredreams: friends

:) this post is about me. i thank the "friend" for her concern. sometimes, i feel she cares too much. i know she definitely looks too much into how i feel. i seem down when things are not as they should be. right now i'm unemployed, running out of money... i'm looking for a job, but shit gets tight. my only real concern is not being able to provide for my son. that shit scares me to death.

you said...

first of i needed to update some of the info from dec 22, '04 post. i did get to spend x-mas with my lil' boy. while it did not come off the way i wished it could, i was able to take him and his sister, dooney to the movies on x-mas eve. we saw lemony snicket's "a series of unfortunate events," funny, funny. jim carrey did it again. not his funniest, but this is the first kids movie i was able to stay up for in years.

now i want to clear up some shit. all the people who wanna bitch about not being mentioned in on these pages. if u don't fall under the categories listed after the few names shouted, fuck you, get over it. if you do qualify as one of the people in my corner, then i love you, but u still need to get over it. if that's not enough, have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up!!!

here's the deal tho... i been feeling like shit lately, not necessarily feeling sorry for myself, but i feel alone. i feel like there are few people in my corner and some of those people are only there when it comes in handy. i tried to talk about it, but i got shut down. i know you are probably tired of hearing about my issues, but i never got tired of hearing about yours. we always been there for each other, and i know that will probably always be the case. this doesn't change that we are distant. i love you. you said you'd never leave me all alone, you said you'd always be there.

what happened? i was expecting us to take our last walks together. we weren't ever gonna be married but we promised, 'til death do us part.

even my family is consorting with my enemies... i mean what the fuck. y'all keep coming sideways. i'm coming with the guillotine. get the fuckin' choppin' block ready.

and you, you said you wanted to be there, you said you'd never leave me, where are you?

what's really on the mind of key?

i wrote this piece on behalf of my best friend and x. it's pretty accurate, only slightly exaggerated. she has like 2 other things on her mind. btw, i wanted to say congrats on the new job.

on the mind of key: what's really on the mind of key?

merry x-mas

merry f'n x-mas to you and yours.

this is my first year without him and the first year i don't have a gift for him. this is my very first christmas completely alone.

no family, no friends... just me, "alone, in the dark." that's just me lately. me, my "powerbook," my television and the 4 walls of "the cell."

special shout to my son, his sister, my siblings, andy and gina, phyllis and rachid (igt marketing), my mother, "key, you used to be able to open my lock," geo, karriem, devin, carlos, danny, james, roman, steve, bb, "pooh" and kiara, cantrella, dori, all the people who love me, care for me, believe in me, stand by me, encourage me. my friends, family, associates and all those who blur the lines, all on the ends and in between. some of you will not be there in the coming year, i appreciate you anyway.

my enemies... f*** you, i'm coming, see you very soon.

the cell

my cell looks like shit. i finally decided to clean it, come out of my depressive state. it's like 8.9 x 6.5 x 8(?, never measured the height or depth or whatever). it's small but i have a problem keeping it organized. i guess i have nowhere to put stuff.

i moved in with my mom after i lost my job in july. my brother wanted me here so he gave up the cell. i didn't have any space or privacy where i was living before. but that's all behind me. i am at rock bottom right now, only one way to go, right.

firefox congratulations

just wanted to congratulate firefox on making 10,000,000 downloads in just over a month.

in my opinion, it is the "faster, safer, better" alternative to internet explorer.

on the right is my support for the browser i've come to know and love. in fact i will not use ie for anything other than windows update. since i'm a mac user, that's almost never.

anyway people, jump on it. you too will "rediscover the web."

getting over it

why is it that people expect to do unto you, but not for you to do unto them?

all i really have to say is, if you are going to fuck with me or make like you don't need me, expect to get fucked with back or get ready for a life without me.

this is for all those that slept -- fuck you!!!

cyn

thursday, december 2nd: my day began at midnight. i was waiting for my friend "cyn." despite previous requests for some alone time. she finally granted me the audience i desired for so long.

i went to shower about 12:30am. i was like "fuck," there's no hot water. i walked around for a minute, finally got in about a quarter to. had to make this shit brief, i hate cold water. washed the most sensitive parts, you know the parts i hoped would receive special attention. got out, dried off, waited for the call from the train station.

1:41am: call received. went to the train station to pick her up. cyn, she's 5'2" and just thick enough. when i saw her she was wearing grey sweatpants and a black jacket. the pants, i found out later was rolled up at the waist band 3 times so that it was up against her magic box and just tight enough on her ass. her ponytail fell just short of 36&qout;, with blonde streaks. she had french tips with her own nails just as long underneath. and she had a nice lil' booty.

when we got back to my crib it was about 2. we both had been waiting for this moment for a minute. i had her walk up the stairs ahead of me so that i could admire her packaging. when she took off her jacket, honey was wearing a tight tank top with that "snuggle" motherfucker from the fabric softner of the same name.

at first cyn wouldn't let me kiss her, not her neck, not her lips, no nibling on her ear. i had my hand in her pants by 2:07, she was so wet -- i don't ever recall anywone being so wet before i went down on them, i know the time because my cell rung. it was my ex (being nosey) asking the mad questions. i kept it short so that i could keep it going. anyway, we finally begin to kiss and i'm sucking on her titties, which were fucking amazing.

they had the pretty lil' pinkish nipples and as far as breasts go they weren't large, but they weren't small, they were a little more than a hand full. they were shaped like grapes and sooooooo soft, i mean damn.

by this time, i'm open. i need to see more. i begin to pull off her sweatpants. she protested a little bit. then she slid them off herself, then her lil' cream colored thongs that read "devil" in red.

i dived in. can we say pink cookies? ummmmmm, ummmmmm... good.

suffering...

and as it ended, so it must begin… in tears…

i keep hearing in different ways that things must end so that they can begin and there can be no begining without an ending and vice versa. i don't know how true this is, but i do understand it.

i must have died every minute of every hour of every day since july 28, 2002. that was the day destiny moved away. i am not one to cry, let alone for a female… but the loss, emptiness and pain i felt was unbearable.

few things in my lifetime have caused me to be affraid, but loneliness… i don’t know… that and being without my son.

but it's time to take that deep breath and keep it movin'.