In this week of thanks, I will be dropping in every once in a while to say what I am thankful for.
I wanted to thank you, [Name withheld until later, just so we can square things off], for walking back into my life late last night and making all the things that were blurry, clear again. The connection we share is undeniable.
I have changed a lot, but know that I will never treat you any different.
.::dramatizations: 8 FILMS TO DIE FOR - AFTER DARK HORRORFEST::.:
I think you are a great writer. Keep it up, you are an inspiring person.
First off I would like to thank you for your comment. I sincerely appreciate it.
Everyone please use your first name or your screen name. Makes it easier to address you. Besides, I want to know who my friends and enemies are. Makes it easier to have your back or step over you respectively.
8 FILMS TO DIE FOR - AFTER DARK HORRORFEST:
I am going this weekend. I am going to be in the movies all weekend by myself, like I used to. All 8 movies, I am not interested in Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horrors. I can't wait! I might tell what the movies are like as I see them or at least give a run down when it's all over.
I think keeping to myself this weekend is just what I need to clear my head. Then I am going to have a couple of shots of Hennessy to take the edge off. Sound like a plan.
Drink responsibly!
Warning: I am just going to write from the heart, exactly as I would say it if I were speaking to you.
All the things I say, so much more I would like to, but there aren't words for everything. I started my day... My day started off right. Very nice. Even tho yesterday I slept through my alarm, I woke up in time to get to work on time and had time to relax in the shower, didn't have to rush or anything. While I was on the way to work called a friend and apologized for not calling her the day before, told her that I had been trying to reach her since 6:30 a.m. Then much to my surprise another friend called, we kinda just reconnected and all of that. Had a very pleasant but brief conversation, her phone was dying so the convo ended as I sat down to work.
Clocked in. Went to the front for some work, not much there. Did a minor QC, made my notes. Went back to the front. Told to go see Mary, had some logos to be traced. OMG, an easy night, not that I mind working. The whole graphics thing is just in my element. I am experiencing a bit of creativity block so I am not creating as much. I have ideas but can't seem to bring them to life. Tracing, tracing, tracing all night... which essentially means I was just fucking around. For me tracing logos, especially since I don't really know Corel is like playing for me. I am in it for the experience. Finding new things and new ways of doing old things. I fuckin' love that shit.
Listening to my shuffle. Laughing at how it seems toplay all the music relevant to my life right now. Had chicken parm from that accursed place with pasta. It always give me gas. I was, however, famished, starving, whatever. I was also laughing at how all day yesterday, people been telling me that I don't sound like I look. People who have known me for a while. The most amusing comment was that I look all ghetto but talk proper. I was also laughing about how Sherita, Ms. Writer Chick, says "talk." She has a very unique accent. I did not speak to her last night tho.
About a quarter to 7, I started bothering Octavia. I so adore her. No matter how mean she is trying to be, she makes me laugh. She always smiles when she is about to start trouble. I used to sit behind her so we used to bother each other all the time. Sat down and messed with Willie via inter-office chat. I was actually bothering everyone once I set to go on break. I been holding my breaks until the very end. Not sure why, I just been doing so.
My mother talks too much, making me sick right now.
Off subject. I come home about 15 minutes early to do my normal after work ritual and change clothes to rush off to Lil's school. My Minimee is going to Junior High School. Looking at schools for the gifted kids... Proud father am I. While I was on the train I realized that, by looking at the paper, flier again that it's not today. It's not until next month. Come home. Not quite relieved, not getting to sleep early. I am going to run out to see if I can buy my Tickets for Horrorfest this weekend.
Well I am not feeling to hot. I am wondering if loving someone is worth it at this point. To me, one person in particular is worth it, even tho I know she may never feel like I do. I am a fad to most women. They seem to be fascinated with me for a very brief period of time then poof, almost as tho I don't exist anymore. I feel like I had my one shot at love and I let it go. What it took to get to that choice is a sad story in it self. Natasha, will say, even swear that Destiny loved me. I am not so sure. I think I love someone else now. I will not tell her. She doesn't seem to be "feeling" me any more. I mean, I am being ambiguous on purpose, "feeling" me can be any number of people. I don't feel people like that. When I do I tend to seek their attention. Not getting it. Feeling like there's something wrong.
Mr. Pieca Wood a.k.a. Tazhy's Pet, originally uploaded by Dramatic. It's an inside joke. It was given to me during a really hard time for me from a really rough time in her life. It was kinda a symbol that to her, I was bigger than anything she was going through. It was a transfer of love and positive energy.
Only 2 other people know what this is about. I wish many times that things could go back to the way it used to be.
I want you to know that even though we aren't close anymore and things happen. I still love you and will never forget what you mean to me. Happy Birthday!
You are seriously one of the people that get more beautiful every year. When I met you, you were little more than a rough uncut little girl. Now what a lovely fuckin' lady you've become. Happy Birthday again Princess!
Congratulations Dane on a job well done. She gave birth to a baby boy Saturday, November 4th. He weight 7 lb. 14 oz. Hopefully soon more information and pictures as they become available.
Amber gave birth to a 10 lb. 5 oz., 20 inch baby girl, Azrie Renee. Azrie was born on Sunday, November fifth at 3:15pm. Amber was in labor for several days.
Y'all know her as Ebony. I hope you get everything your heart desires. You're somethings special. If you keep getting older before I do. I will never catch up to you.
wakeupmotherfucker, originally uploaded by DrJoanne. The morning after a ménage à trois has gone terribly, terribly awry...
Aside from Dr. Joanne's pictures being fucking awesome. This one sums up how I feel right now.
As you can read form my random thoughts, previous post, I am having a little woman trouble. This week, a third expressed "feeling me." Not sure exactly what that means anymore. Apparently, women not only have to have a dictionary and encyclopedia completely contrary to ours but they reserve the right to change the definitions on the fly. This one I am "feeling" but she has spent some time trying to convince me that she wasn't interested in me. No all of a sudden, she is. I kinda panicked and I think I might have offended her a bit. She and I will have no doubt talk again soon. We go through these things quite often.
The problem with her comes in the form of... I am not sure it's worth it. I mean how do I know that the window on us being more isn't closed or shouldn't have been closed? Is she ready to deal with me? Can she handle the times when I disconnect? Or when I just plain need space and forget to say so? Since I know you will read this eventually, I am sorry about the other day. I was playing and went a little too far.
The simplest situation of the two previously mentioned in A Few Random Thoughts was the one who told me she loved me. She said a lot of things to me, which she all of a sudden doesn't remember. So I will simply act like it never happened.
Now the third, the one who expressed feelings. She said she wanted to show me attention this past week. I think you are crazy. I guess this is one of those situations you were talking about where if I didn't want it he would take it. Well I don't want it and he can have it. Sometimes you were such a good friend and then you get crazy. I cannot be uneducated and not good enough
and wanted by at the same time. It doesn't make sense and it's weird. Sorry to see you go yet again but goodbye. This is the last time, my life is not a revolving door. I hope you get everything you want out of life.
This month turned out better than expected. I paid off 3 bills. Feels great. I did make my “savings replenishment” goal for the month, sort of anyway. I am about $7 short of a grand. I have decided to reset my checking account every month. I will transfer all of the money to my savings for the day before the last check of the month. The purpose of this is to save for what I want faster, but it serves another purpose… The less cash I have on hand means the less cash I am spending. Since my savings is not directly linked to my checking it takes days to transfer and a few additional steps beyond just swiping my debit card.
I am also thinking about rounding my debt out. Flat multiples of 50 or 100 are easier to calculate.
Total debt, payout and savings, originally uploaded by Dramatic. November and December are estimated.
Read First: So Far This Month...
OK, I realize now that, because of some unforeseen expenses, I may not make my savings replenishment goal. It’s cool, I will make it up over the next couple of months.
I am putting off all unnecessary expenses on hold, at least until next month. I am also clipping coupons, hey adds up to laundry money. LOL, I am so not the coupon / sale type. I will likely forget them when I am out shopping. Not finding many anyway, but $3 is a double loader. I don’t really intend to make a habit of this and I definitely will not be that person holding up the line while I look for my coupons or pinch my pennies, LOL.
I am actually looking to adopt some new, healthy habits.
IM Spam, originally uploaded by Dramatic. The offending message...
Fake: Sign in to Yahoo! (20061021), originally uploaded by Dramatic. I received this link in an instant message: www.geocities.com/ibe2233/. Clearly not the Flickr sign in page. I guess the obvious giveaway is that you don't sign in to Flickr through Geocities.
Real: Sign in to Yahoo! (20061021), originally uploaded by Dramatic. This is the real Yahoo! Flickr sign in page
Tried to steal my password today. No dice fuckers.
I have made large payments towards my debt. I have used a good amount of my savings which is really my MacBook Pro fund. I would have paid off 3 bills entirely and more than half of one of the remaining 3. I wanted to bring it down to a point where I could tell exacly when I would have it paid off, which will be April of ‘07 or sooner. I wish I could do the same with the other two… well at my current pay rate I will have them paid off in 32 months.
As for my savings / MacBook Fund, I am thinking about a transformation there too. I need separate accounts for my goals. I am thinking about setting up an emergency fund, a travel fund, an X-mas savings account and an account for all the things I want. Any ideas?
More to come later…
I went out last night for Dooney's Birthday. We just did a little running around.
At dinner, which for the womenfolk consisted entirely of appetizers and water (some had drinks), I decided to have a Hennessy and Coke. A "mini-martini" soon followed. Cute waitresses and Kyonna's mother talked me into going to the surprise party afterwards.
Party... Azelia, oh yes, prettier than I remember. Looks like she's doing better. She was at Houlihan's with us. My first drink I can only imagine was a punch experiment. Too much fruit. It was like fruit that had been rinsed in vodka. Kyonna's mother didn't come through with the cognac, wtf. OK so I get my lil' refill, with less fruit. I get up and go fill the trippy (had swirling lights) ass glass with vodka to the rim. I know my limit so I drank just enough to mellow out after a hard work week.
We left. I like Shanell. She real cool. I didn't know this before. We never talked before a couple of weeks ago. We have some things in common. I think we gonna be cool friends. In fact we might do some shopping together this week. I want the Armani Product (red) watch. I might wait until X-mas though.
Many have begged for what thou unasked
shalt havecould've had.
I know know you come here periodically, so I am laying it on the table. You and I were as close as two people could be. I separated myself so that I could get some things done and that I wouldn't take my pains and frustrations out on you. Got the you're too busy for me speeches, you don't want to talk to me, you are always to busy... yada yada fucking yada...
Then when I had some down time and tried to reach out, you shut me down. Your last word to me were "You played me, now I'm playing you.
" This hurt, deep. You know not many can make that claim, to have hurt me, but you did and you did so intentionally.
Here's the deal... We are no longer. All the talk about our future together, in our place as friends or whatever, done. We shared a few good moments but not enough to go through this bullshit over and over again. I have loved you as my sister, my lover and as my friend. You said you didn't need me, now I am doing better without you... How you like them apples?.
Monthly Payments, originally uploaded by Dramatic. These are my payouts from Sept, Oct and December.
This month I will pay off an extra bill (DFS). One more than the original 2 I espected and I am paying off more than half of one of my remaining bills. Which means that by tax time 2007 I should have just one outstanding debt remaining.
Since I have the opportunity to pay off DFS, I am dipping into my savings to do so. This hurts a little bit. I will, however, be able to replenish my savings pretty quickly, as the absense of DFS allows me to almost double my monthly savings.
I know my debt reduction strategy is not for everyone. I simply take a big axe and swing at the little trees first. They are in my way. When I am done with those I work on the larger ones. I can take smaller, better placed swings which will bring my trees down with less effort. Or I just paid off the smaller, easier ones first and redirect all or most of my funds towards the larger ones.
Not for nothing, I am that much closer to my goal. I am still trying to figure out if a “Debt Free Xmas 2007” if feasible. Might have to defer my debt freedom until Easter 2008.
Last month I made the decision I wasn’t going to rush and pay the bills off just because I had the money. I paid off all of my interest baring accounts immediately. Allowing interest to build would be counter productive. The other bills I let stand until the time of the month I usually pay them. It just didn’t make any sense to make additional trips to the payment centers or use additional stamps or plain just waste the time needed to do these things. So I put the money in my savings account where I could get a bit of interest while I waited to pay the bills. Now I have the funds set to cascade from my savings to my checking as my due dates come up.
And then there were 3!
I am taking a break from all non-essential communications. I will be gone for a week maybe longer. NO PHONE, NO IM, NO EMAIL, NO BLOG, NO KIDDING!
This started Monday. I turned off my phone completely. I have still been checking mail only because it was necessary. Haven't IMed anyone, except to say goodbye to the few I knew would notice I am missing.
Need to rest. Need to sleep. Need to recharge. Need to separate myself from everyone and everything that would seek to keep me from doing so. Anyhow, I'm out.
Now is the time to make our move, baby. Yesterday is gone forever and tomorrow will never come. What say you? You know who i am talking to.
No more moves to make. All moves are on hold. Redirecting my energies to guaranteed results.
My heart has no desires right now. Can't stand the disappointment anymore. Everything I wanted is out of my reach. So I am gonna throw on my favorite jeans and keep it moving. I don't intend to have a moment of weakness, no need for any reflections, apologies are not necessary. It is what it is like I said before.
For now all I want to do is get my little travel on. Some people want to see me and I need to get out of the city, see and do new things. I have never really travelled and when I did manage to get away, I never got to do anything. Maybe someday I will get to chill with "Sonny" in Hawaii. I hope to go to Brazil with John someday. I have a few places I want to go. I am going to start small and go a few random places this fall.
My debt seems to be coming under control. So there is room for me to do a little more. I need to just be like fuck it and relax.
