I can not get the ITA voucher because for what I want they require you to have a degree. I have given up on the ITA voucher but not this goal. When I get this job next month I will start a fund for my certs. Aside from that I am not sure how Adobe will structure the certifications from here on since they’ve acquire Macromedia.
I started meditating last night about this time. I was counting my breath as a way to center myself in the now. I counted each exhale up to ten and then I started over. Urban Dharma said that if I counted eleven, it meant that I was not paying attention and that I should start over.
Right now I am just waiting for things to die down here so that I can start again.
After the whole Steve thing on my walk to the train station, it was just a few yards away, some high school kids spotted me and began talking about my beard. One mentioned, "That's hot, when I'm older, I'm gonna have my shit just like that!"
I caught a flashback from high school. I hated to go into the locker room. I didn't feel comfortable being compared to the other boys. "When I go away this summer, I am going to come back just like that!" He, can't remember his name, was talking about my full beard and chest hair. Yes, I had a full beard at 14. I stopped getting prepared for gym. Later on I started getting dressed with the girls. I was just cool with most of them like that.
I was sitting in front of the Brooklyn Museum on Eastern Parkway this evening when Steve walks up to me with some dude. Then he starts going on about how people be saying big guys can't get girls and how many he seen me get and how he seen me do one of them and how I ain't got to run game and how even though they know the truth they are still down. He told his boy, "He a bigger pimp than you, I even seen him beat." Then his boy was like, "Can I hang out with him?"
Isn't this what it's supposed to be like? Why would you want to be with someone you have to lie to? What's up with dudes chasing females all the time anyway?
Steve forgot to mention he was a thirsty ass, immature… ummm, nevermind. I just don't understand. Then got nerve to ask if he can get at my leftovers. Leftovers or not, the females I have messed with wouldn't give him the time of day.
The female formerly known as Mariposa
Circle I Limbo
The Pope
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind
Saddam Hussein
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow
Osama bin Laden
Circle IV Rolling Weights
George Bush
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled
River Styx
Barry, Vielka
Circle VI Buried for Eternity
River Phlegyas
Shanique, Yeno
Circle VII Burning Sands
People who don't love their children, hurt children
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement
Jessica Loss (xxxangelloss@yahoo.com) — she conned me this year, do not trust her.
Circle IX Frozen in Ice
Disclaimer: Some people on here are on just for fun, they should know who they are and should be able to take a joke. Others probably should be on here but they aren't worthy of my mention or your attention. Hell will be amended.
…would a "friend" call with the purpose of telling you that you are pathetic? Apparently, that friend isn't a friend at all. For someone to feel the need to belittle another for any reason just shows how empty their lives are. You too can be alright!!!
I have been thinking about redesigning my blog. I will, in fact. I am thinking about the features I will keep, the features I will add, the features I will take away.
I like to think of my blog as a pass into my life. I would ask my public what features they like, what features they'd like to see, and which they can do without, but no one really leaves comments anymore. I know people are reading. The last time I checked, I was getting between 150 and 250 hits a week with about 60% of those being returning visitors.
So far I know that I want to keep the color and I want to make it a 3-column layout, because I know some of my content gets lost towards the bottom with the adds and all the links. I like having the Odeo buttons in my profile, but I haven't started making audio posts and only one person has made use of the "Leave me an Odeo" feature and even she's stopped. I want to re-add the badges I lost when I accidentally deleted half of my template.
There are some really cool things I want to try. I know chances are that I will make multiple iterations to the template before I am satisfied. Maybe I will always tweak it. I might just give it all the features it has now and change it based on what is being used or not or what I think might be useful to you guys.
Tiffany, feel better. Hope to hear from you soon. Make sure they treat you right. Hmmm! The bumps we have to get over during our journey through this life.
Today did not go so well for me. I took some tests on Excel, PowerPoint and Word. Didn't do well, at least not by my standards. Didn't finish them. On the lighter side the interviewer said based on speaking to me and my experience, he has something in mind for me, but he wants me to take 3 weeks of training starting May 1. He feels I will be ahead of everyone in the training sessions from the start. I did not do well on the tests because I am not familiar with financial presentations.
I have 6 hours of testing tomorrow at Lehman Brothers, the same type of stuff.
Next week I will be going back to the agency and see where I am now with the other stuff I know and move on from there.
Mindfulness, as defined by Wikipedia, is the practice whereby a person is intentionally aware of his or her thoughts and actions in the present moment, non-judgmentally.
Mindfulness: The practice of being “here”:
Fundamentally mindfulness is a simple concept. Its power lies in its practice and its applications. Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally. This kind of attention nurtures greater awareness, clarity, and acceptance of present-moment reality. It wakes us up to the fact that our lives unfold only in moments. If we are not fully present for many of those moments, we may not only miss what is most valuable in our lives but also fail to realize the richness and the depth of our possibilities for growth, and transformation.
— Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn. p.4
I know a lot of us can appreciate the principle of mindfulness. I sure can. Too many times, I am focused on the what happened yesterday or what can happen tomorrow. Meanwhile, today is slipping away.
I took the thirty day challenge in the first chapter of 7 Habits, I planned to take it but I fell into it sooner. I wasn't being mindful. At the end of the day I just realized I was tallying the challenges I have passed and failed. While I passed most of them, I just felt if I were mindful, I would have met more of the challenges.
The challenge was for me to make commitments and to offer solutions to problems and not be judgmental or critical of others. Basically, I had to be proactive.
So today, it's just that... I am being mindful. Looking for what needs to be done and doing it, not later, but now. Not concerned with what I did yesterday or what I will do tomorrow. Today I will look over my calendar and be aware of my commitments when tomorrow is today — Feel me?
…Everybody knows it's spring again… To all the boys and girls — Forget that — Booty, booty, booty rockin' e'ery where! Time to fall in love.
Adium will be replacing iChat in Mac OS X 10.5 (Leopard). This totally f'n rocks. I used to love iChat, that is, until I discovered Adium.
It was just getting confusing, having all those messengers and then the chat windows open. Now I have a unified "contact list" and a single (or more) tabbed "message window."
What I missed was the Yahoo! video chat -- never really used video on the other messengers. I never really used it, but I also missed the ability to make and receive voice messages. AIM makes pretty good use of this, I have gotten a couple of accidental voice mails.
Aside from all of that, Adium is what instant messaging should be.
♫ Slick Rick
Children's Story
The Great Adventures of Slick Rick
I don't know. The week started off kinda slow. Now tomorrow taking the day off to recharge.
One interview, ended in me being recommended for a position other than what I had applied for. I don't think I would have gotten that job because they are looking for automatons. When he asked me about a situation where I felt I was most strong, I told him about how I was charged with handling the larger clients at my previous job and how when there was a customer issue I would be placed to buffer the manager. He felt that other managers might not like that my personality is so strong. He said that they might feel threatened that I might be able to build relationships with the customers outside of them. I responded that it should support my team and manager not take away from them. It bothers me just a little that being aware of your strengths and direction is a bad thing. I might be an OK team player, but ultimately my goal is team leader… It's just in my nature.
The second interview was at Lehman Brothers. It wasn't for a specific job, just informational. I am trying to build relationships and this one is an important one. She referred me to a couple of temp agencies that specialize in my skill set. She also wants to try to get me into Lehman.
I found this week that a lot of people are backing me. Not just the people in my Web World, but also in my personal sphere. I met a few people this week I hope to build productive relationships with.
My epiphany came when I was feeling alone and unwanted. This week I ended up at the one spot I had been avoiding for the last two years. I was welcomed with open arms. I will see how this works out for the time being.
Fucking Eureka, Son
LOL at Tiffany. I hope she don't mind it was appropriate. I have an interview in the morning so I promised myself this will not take more than 60 seconds to post.
I normally choke on the question or the request, Tell me about yourself.
Not tomorrow. For the 1st time since I can remember I feel I really know myself.
Yesterday, was the greatest fucking day I have had in a long time, certainly for the year. Everything just seemed to fall into place. Dooney even took a full body pic and of me and I liked it. So I cropped it and posted it. It just fit. I was not giving a fuck.
Everything was gravy until I came to my sister's, the closest place I have to a home at the moment. I seriously need a change of space.
Things seem to be going to well for me right now to allow my focus to be broken. This week I have a couple of interviews, one with Merill Lynch and the other at Lehman Brothers. Wish me luck.
Me, just not caring, originally uploaded by Dramatic. I had an f'n bitchin' day! I was swinging back and forth in the chair.
The first thing most of my friends find out about me is that I don't have many friends. Most of my friends chose me to be their friend. Whether it was because we had similar interests or I had something they wanted or admired something about me.
I have few friends because first and foremost I am a loner by nature. I grew up and have lived with the mentality that all I needed was me and my girlfriend. Which in most cases still holds true. I am realizing lately that I need people to get by. Whether it be for networking which I might have a hidden or dormant knack for or just that person that will always be there when you need that shoulder.
Friendship is on my mind today because I was betrayed by someone I considered a close friend. I mean when you let people get close and they turn their backs on you, it's a form of betrayal, isn't it? My trust is broken. Now after shedding some light on the situation, you want to apologize. Tell me I am right, you were wrong, yada, yada, yada. I mean, you tried to hurt me. You didn't do it indirectly. You tried to get at me. I have made some mistakes and I have apologized for my indiscretions. I repent. People do make mistakes. I never caused anyone injury, emotionally, physically or otherwise, purposely.
Your intention was to do me harm. You can not be sorry. You weight the pros and cons and sought to do away with me. Can I forgive you? Maybe. Will I? Not sure yet. There is little mercy in my heart for people who try to hurt people who love them. Yes, I loved you. You proved unworthy. I always told you the worse thing I could do to someone is to let them go. I don't think that after being betrayed, a trust can be regained.
I am proud that I elevated you to the level of courage you have now. I tried to teach you to choose your battles. No matter what, I wish you all the best still. I will not forget the love and the friendship that once was. Sometimes all one has are their memories.
X3: The Last Stand, originally uploaded by Dramatic. From the HD Quicktime trailer.
I so want to see this movie when it comes out. It looks as tho Jean Grey might be the Dark Pheonix. I could be wrong. I guess I will just have to wait and see.
In my previous entry Sacrifice I expressed my desire to give up some things for the season of lent. I am still doing pretty well. I did however have meat this week. Had a cheddar cheese burger the other day and I had some rice with some meat gravy today.
I will still continue to try to get by without meat for the rest of lent.
