Be Proactive
7 Habits asks you to assume the role of a teacher rather than a student while reading the book, so that you take in the material differently. It’s kinda saying it becomes a little more important if you have to teach someone than if you are trying to learn it.
“Be proactive” is the first habit in the book. Proactivity defined is taking responsibility for our own lives. It’s about working from the inside, who you are, out.
The book offers some suggestions for application at the end of the chapters. I modified the 1st challenge and took a few days to monitor my language and the language of others around me.
I realize that even though I have the mindset that I am going to fix this and make things right and that I am rarely concerned about what others should be doing, I speak as though I am not in control. I say a lot of stuff like “I have to,” “I must,” or “I need to.” I do realize that most of this is a choice.
I look at certain people around me and they really aren’t in control. They will swear that they are. Just like me they are in situations they don’t want to be in and have no way out. The tragedy is they are putting all of their energy into complaining, instead of trying to build tools to fight their way out. I guess that’s my biggest credit, I DON’T GIVE UP!
How do I reach these people as I move back into independence?
The second involves identifying an experience in which I might behave reactively. Then to visualize myself handling it proactive.
I had an experience last night where my son’s mother wanted to show off and try to make me look bad. She went on and on about me not having any regard for other people’s property and if it was mine I would have tried to kill…
One fact that everyone knows about me, I treat everyone’s stuff as I would want them to treat mine. I only own one thing at this point, my PowerBook. She pointed that out.
I reminded her that the keyboard was that slipped out of my hand from a six inch shelf on the desk. Then she was wondering why it was I got upset. Clearly, everyone saw that since I had come from the store she was trying to antagonize me. She also wanted to involve the children about an incident that occurred about a week ago where one of the children had dropped a stuffed animal one my PowerBook, almost knocking it off my lap. I did not react then how she said I did. So I asked one of the children, including the one who had dropped this tiger on me. She said that they would always agree with me.
I don’t give them any reason to lie. In fact I rarely punish them for things they do wrong. I have always tried to teach them about positive and negative consequences. In this particular situation the consequence is trust. If they would have lied to me who else would they lie for?
I should not have yelled at her, I should have ignored her and continued what I was doing. This was a situation where she did not merit response. Maybe a simple I’m sorry would have worked.
The third and forth challenges, I haven’t gotten to yet. The third involves identifying a problem that is frustrating to me and determine whether I have direct, indirect or no control. Then to identify the 1st step in my “circle of influence that I can take to solve it.
The final challenge is a 30 day self test of proactivity.
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