Of Love and Friendship

I was told on several occasions that I would die alone. I have never had any lasting relationships.

I know I can keep a woman and I am a good friend. I seem likable enough, even I'd like me. I mean I do. Most people come into my life and tell me what an inspiration I am to them, then one day, as quickly as they came, they are gone. I had been in a rut for just a month shy of two years, the worst period my life.

During that time I found friends. People who I could actually see myself exploring the mysteries of the world with, writing new pages in history and making a way — a better way. So few remain. One only just realized what I was going through. Towards the end, I had to separate myself. The person that I am will not allow anyone to share my pain. I am learning to share a little. I started this blog so I wouldn't internalize everything and wouldn't have to tell the people closest to me what I was really feeling, at least not about myself.

Anyway, so many of you who are no longer here have helped me cope and get to where I am, right now. But where are you? You shared and relieved the pain, shouldn't you share some of my joy? Or at the very least, be there with me to witness it? I mean, you told me everything would be alright, that things would get better and when I was hurting most that I wasn't a loser.

I am making new friends now, most of which will probably not be there if I ever fall again. Will you? Or have we come to our end? And you... You said you loved me. I would have thought that that, at least, would have meant a lasting friendship. I realize now that you deleted me, not just from a "friends list," but from everything. I don't get the IMs anymore, no Odeos, email or calls. When I try to make contact, I never get a response. It's not just so I can tell you how well I am doing or how I am adjusting. I want to know what is new in your sphere too. How are you? The kids? How is work? How are your plans coming along? Since the last time we spoke, do you still see yourself where you did in five years?

It seems that nothing lasts forever anymore. Not friendship, not love... It doesn't even hurt anymore. So I propose a toast. A toast to dated relationships and the expiry of friendship.

I am thankful Mickey is still around. I don't know where I'd be without her. Maybe some day she will be gone to. In the meantime, I will keep her and cherish her. My friend, Mickey. Don't worry, I am aware of the others of you who are still with me... Alanna, Janelle... LOL, since I know you two will probably comment.

If I am correct one of my friends has her "eye" on me. I wanted to say I am watching you watch me.

By the way, I know I am not the best at keeping in touch, but I have been trying. It's a two way street. I would definitely need your help on this one, because I can't do it alone.