July, Chapter 2

I don't know anymore. People have tried for so long to get me to open up, then when I need someone, no one is there. This is the second night, I can't take it anymore. Fortunately, I don't have to hide that I'm crying, there's nobody around.

I've been busting my ass looking for a job. Temp agencies are not calling me back. The on I'm registered with will not place me. Fast food and retail won't hire me. It's not like if I get any calls I can go anywhere, I don't have any carfare. I really feel like shit. All I can do now is cry.

I'm lonely, I don't even have anyone to talk to on the level I need to right now. I need someone just to lay with. I'm desperate for affection, friendship, anything remotely resembling a relationship.

I got dressed today and did nothing. I sat in the house all day. I been up since like eight (8). I barely have the will to live.

I hadn't eaten, up until half hour ago, for almost five and a half days. Mickey sent me six dollars and I can't even finish what I bought. Nowadays when I eat I get sick. I can only assume it's because I don't eat regularly.

Then on top of it all, no one understands me. Or no one cares. I don't know. I think I'm still afraid, in some ways, of being alone.

I'm used to the odds being stacked against me, it just seems like this is the time I'm going to lose.